Absolutely sick of it - handhold please.

[OneGlamMama]

After only 5 years together and 3 years married, I know I just can't do this anymore.

We got married before baby came so it would make things easier for us both and we all had the same name so we could be a family unit. But now... I wish I hadn't!!

I just want some advice regarding divorcing my husband, we have both names on tenancy agreement for rental property, I could afford to stay where I am. Son is 2.

I'm not sure where to start or what to do... please help

Hello. Get solicitors advice and make sure you can afford to pay them.
You can start with mediation also.

What's happened to make you want to end it?

He's bled our savings dry over lockdown so... not sure that I can.

Lots of reasons.

1. Me being in charge of all life admin as well as paying for everything: rent, bills, food etc
2. Having little to no affection
3. Asking for help around the house as I can't do it all by myself when I work full time
4. Him refusing to get a stable job with stable hours so he never knows where he is at money wise, and spending that on himself
5. Not help raising our son properly (as he has had him the most during lockdown) which has effected his eating habits
6. Him not trusting me and starting up a business without my knowledge
7. I've been unhappy in our marriage since our son was six months old as he never helped with him, I've stuck around for our son. But I can't do this anymore.

The last 18 months all I've thought about is getting out.

What never fails to surprise me about these blokes is how on EARTH do they expect you to stay forever when they behave like THAT!? Good for you for planning to get out OP! Sounds like you'll be much better off without him x

Thank you - just want to get ducks in a row and struggling to know how to do it.

Sounds like your load will be a lot lighter without him OP.

Make a list of assets, if any, to be split, including pension. Think about what split of time with your child and maintenance you would like. Then get legal advice, start with the CAB divorce page.

I think it would just be our sons arrangements.

We dont have a house
We dont have savings
He has his car

That would be it. If he agrees to it....

Ok so it sounds fairly straightforward.
Make sure you have all documents for your DS in a safe place.
Find out the process for getting his name off the tenancy.

Do you rely on him for childcare? Work out how you would manage logistically on a day to day basis.

Confide in someone who can give you practical support and be on hand if necessary when you tell him. Does STBX have somewhere to ho when you ask him to leave? If so that will make it easier.

Best wishes. You sound at the end of your rope.

I have his birth certificate and documents for myself.

Looks like I may need to message landlord or the agency for that.

My mother has him most of the time so childcare is okay. My parents are aware of how I've been feeling over the last year and are on hand if needed.

I am honestly not sure. His family are down south whereas we live up north near my family.. depends on if he could afford to live near me or he goes back to his mum to claim me being the bad guy

Be brave and think of yourself you deserve to be happy too. I am just divorcing my stbxh after 10 years and 2 children but to be honest I prob knew at your stage but wasn't brave enough to make the change . Get you ducks in order but sounds like you have great family support that's what will get you through it. Good luck x

You just need to ensure you have the answers to the important questions
A) who will help with childcare
B) can I afford to rent the place on one salary
C) do I have all my own paper work, my child’s birth certificate, financial papers etc

It seems like you know all this.

Depending on what his mood / behaviour is like you could simply sit him down when your son isn’t there and say look clearly neither of us are happy, this isn’t working. We need to look at separating.

He may agree? Or he may not.

If he doesn’t agree and he won’t fuck off then perhaps you need to look at moving, giving notice on the tenancy and finding somewhere else. It’s a pain in the arse but it provides an answer if he won’t leave.

If he buggers off home and tries to write you as the bad guy then fine, let him. You know the truth and deep down he does too. He might deny but who cares??? You won’t care when you’ve got him out your house believe me.

Because you have a child you may want to consider seeing a solicitor but you absolutely do not need one if there are no disputes over contact or finances. You can absolutely divorce someone by doing it all yourself. I did it, not a massively complicated process.

Thank you ladies - you have really helped my thought processX

Not much advice I'm afraid but I'm in a similar situation. Renting privately with DH, no assets or savings, have an 18 month old DS and am deeply unhappy, do virtually all parenting duties etc.

I hope you manage to figure out the logistics and leave and be happy.

Give notice on the tenancy, move to your parents with your Dc and then go from there.

This is what I did after 8 months of marriage and a 3 year old (been together 8 years). Got all our documents together - including marriage certificate. Went to my mums. Told him had 3 months to sort out our marriage, wanted councilling etc. Told him while not there I'd be paying for nothing so I could save for my own house deposit (also rented) or he could leave and I'd take over bills. He stayed in the house and decided to buy somewhere so waited 9 months for that to get sorted but I'm now back in the rented house with my daughter and all is working out. If he does nothing now he won't change. Just leave. It isn't worth it

@TiredMumma23 - it's exhausting isn't it? Figuring out the logistics is so difficult.

@endofthelinefinally - the biggest issue is that my parents have just moved to be closer to me, which is great but their house is still boxes. (Moved from a big house to a smaller house and lost storage space that they didn't consider)

@kshaw - I'm glad you managed to get things sorted!

I could afford the tenancy on my own as I've been paying for it on my own for the last 2 years on my own money anyway. Just doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room for saving. But once my parents are sorted, there may be a window.. however I don't know how much longer I can take this.

Speak to Women's Aid and to CAB.

Talk to your LL/ managing agency about ending the joint contract. You can prove that you have been paying for the property alone for 2 years. That will be helpful.

I really hope it works out for you, honestly it's best thing I've done. No more walking on eggshells in my own home. Please myself etc and enjoy all the time on my own with my daughter. When it was working it was a lovely relationship but it all changed. And you're worth more than feeling like this all the time. We only get one life, don't be miserable in it!

Think I'll give women's aid and CAB a call later when he's gone to work.

I've not had the conversation with him yet... not even sure how that is going to go.

Maybe talk to shelter as well.