Positive stories/advice

[Toffpops]

I’m at the start of the divorce journey-been married for just over 2 years, DH decided he saw me more as a sister than a wife and wanted to separate-which we did in January this year. Have tried for months to salvage things but it was always one sided on my part and this weekend I realised I needed to face up to things instead of hoping he’d suddenly change his mind. So now we’re getting divorced and I feel awful. From those of you have been through this please give me your positive/it does get better stories for inspiration plus what advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time? I just so want to cave in and say I’m ok with us just being friends but it’s destroying me and I think I need to just grow a pair and move on☹️

Hi, it does get better but it takes time, quite a bit and unfortunately there's no quick fix.

Have you told him that you don't want this and that you're not ok?

Reach out to friends and talk it through. I don't have many friends at all so work was a godsend for me, keeping me busy and there were colleagues who would listen.

It will get easier. Going out walking helped me to put things into perspective.

@AbsolutelySure thank you. Yes, I’ve told him how much I don’t want this and tried to get him to go to counselling, date, talk etc. That’s what we’ve been doing since October but it’s been mainly me pushing it and travelling up to see him. He just kept saying he didn’t see me that way but wanted me as a friend. Last straw for me was at the weekend-he was coming down for 2 days, I’d swapped arrangements with my daughter’s dad so he had her all weekend so we could just spend time together-he phoned me at midday , told me he was going to be a dick (his words) and that he wasn’t coming down. Made random excuse about his 20 yr old son needing him as he wanted to come and live with him. Phoned him to discuss on Monday-no apology, he’d told his son he couldn’t use him to move in every time he fell out with his mum, and then that was it. I just snapped and thought enough is enough and he’s just not bothered. It’s messed with my head for months and I’m aware my 13yr old daughter is watching me and I want to show her a good example. Sorry for the essay!

I think you know it's time to step away. I'm not a great one to advise because it took me many many months, maybe a year to say enough is enough, I forever gave the benefit of the doubt and clung on to my marriage but I got to a point and I think you're at that. This ongoing situation will be affecting your mental health in a much more adverse way than if you get your head around the fact that this is happening. You and your daughter will benefit in the long run.

@AbsolutelySure totally agree with you. The fact I said to him I thought we should go our separate ways and all he said was that we were always going to have this conversation, when I asked when he was going to tell me, he said probably the weekend if he’d come down. Makes no sense as why would you drive for 5 hours and stay for 2 days to tell me that? I actually feel like a load has lifted since Monday when I last spoke to him tells me I did the right thing. And I’ve tried since October but just been going round in circles. Thank you for your messages of support-means a lot. X

I'm pleased a load has lifted. Stay strong.

@AbsolutelySure thank you xx

I don't think anyone can be friends if there's still any kind of any feeling left from either side. There's really got to be nothing there at all.

@De88 I agree -I was hoping that having some kind of contact would make it more likely we could get back together but have realised now that isn’t the case. Nor do I think I want that now. Confused