Separating from an emotionally abusive partner

[Blueeyes91]

In March 2020 I ended my relationship with my partner. The day after I ended it he acted as though I hadn't said a thing and after a period of time I felt like I had never actually ended it.

In January 2021 I started getting counselling and am now getting support as my relationship is considered emotionally abusive. 2 months ago after I caught him cheating again (hard not to considering he was having a sexy phone call in the bathroom, small 1 bed flat, no quiet places here).

He has accepted that it is over. But he keeps dropping in and out of the flat as and when he wants. We both own the flat. But there are no boundaries. He sees our daughter when he wants and cancels on her at the last minute if it doesn't work for him.

He messaged me last night to tell me his parents are down this weekend and they will be coming to the flat Friday to Sunday. They won't sleepover (no space), but will still be here.

I'm at the point where I feel like I'm the one who needs to leave and just let him have the flat. It would be easier to lose all that money than to continue with how things are.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

My exH was also emotionally abusive. When we split, he wouldn't leave and rent somewhere else (he wanted to keep the house) and I couldn't afford to. So he moved his bedroom into the living room, and basically took over the bottom floor of the house. I kept what had been our room. We stayed like that for about 7 months, while we sorted out our financial settlement, and I was able to buy my new house.

It was not easy, and he was constantly being a total arsehole, trying to lock me out, taking my stuff, using up all my groceries (then hoarding his own). But I don't regret not moving sooner, if I had I would have chewed through my savings to rent a house big enough for me and my DDs, and I wouldn't have had enough to buy the house I have now. I'm sure that was ex's hope.

Now I'm clear of it all, I would say it was worth it. I have a lovely little home that's all mine, low mortgage repayments, comfortable life style. I also had some counselling to help process what I went through, but that was from well before we officially split.

Things that helped was having my own space that he was not allowed in (and I stayed out of his room). Being out as much as possible when he had time with DDs (thankfully this was before lockdown). Also, the mental shift away from feeling responsible for his moods. Not my problem anymore, if he strops, he strops. Valuables and non-essentials were kept in my room and locked away, he couldn't break anything that actually bothered me anymore.