Hi everyone,
I am not a mum, but a dad. I hope thats not a problem for mumsnet :). Also, please forgive me, English is not my native language.
After being together for 8 years, and married for 4 years i dont think this marriage will ever make me happy. We have a 3 year old kid, which makes the situation even more difficult, obviously.
The story is that we got together pretty quickly 8 years back. We moved in together when we moved to another city and have lived with eachother fine, even though we have went through some difficult times. Those were for a large part down to mental issues that my wife has had, which she could also not really help. It just happened, but we soldiered through. Not at the end yet, but we are getting there.
We never really had any common ground to work with. We both have different interest, different humour, different political views and different feelings about what life on the run long means. For me the wise words of Alan Watts are a clear thing here, in which he explains that life is not a journey, like a pilgrimage with a serious purpose in the end. The point is to sing and to dance while the music is being played. I currently feel very unhappy, misunderstood and like i cannot be myself in my marriage. I cannot really talk about my feelings with her, and we never communicated very well. The things i am enthousiastic about, for example work, she shows no real interest in, and even when i hit great goals its only replied to with a short ''nice''.
My wife and i have been getting along a lot better lately, with us also spending more time with eachother and putting more effort into it, after i told her im considering a divorce. However, im just not feeling like i will ever happy still. I feel like i can be so much happier with someone who understands me, who i share interests with and who really connects with me. Someone who feels me.
We function together fine. Were exactly on the same page regarding parenting and also living in the same house is fine. We rarely have a real fight, and in no way, shape or form do i hate her. Im just not happy being with her, and i cant really help myself... In my head the only and best way forward is a divorce, so that i can find somebody i can be happy with.
So thats a relatively long story. I hope you can understand my position. I would like to hear if you have any views on this, or advice. I am just in a knot about what to do. Its super sad for the kid, who will then have divorced parents. My wife will also probably fall into a hole, as her mental state is still not the best. For me though, i feel like its the best choice. I would like it if someone (or more) could think along a little bit, as im in a real pickle here...
With kind regards,
A dad, 28 years old.