Wife wants to separate but still living in same house

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Had argument 2 weeks ago. She said she'd had enough and wants to separate. She blames all the arguments on to me and whilst I accept some of the responsibility she does not.

I am willing to make it work but she will not even talk to me about the situation.

She is sleeping on the sofa. I think she thinks we can continue living like this?

I don't want our marriage to end. We've been together 24 years. I told her let's not throw this all away, we can work things out. But she refuses to speak to me about it.

We have a dd6 and I don't want to move out. I work part time and I am the 'homemaker'. I take dd6 to all of the after school activities etc, which I have done from the start.

I am thinking if I act as 'normal' maybe we can work it out?

My mind is just all over the place and I've never felt so lonely

@AlternativePerspective

OP, as hard as it is you need to see a solicitor re the finances.

Reality here is that the relationship is over. You can’t stop that from happening, but you can control how the finance is divided up especially re e.g. assets etc.

And depression/anxiety isn’t a valid reason for not wanting to do this. And depression/anxiety isn’t valid enough reason for threatening someone with a hammer either.

Your DW is clearly unhinged and unstable, and if anything you need to keep your DD safe from her.

I can't afford a solicitor

Are you the same poster whose wife was letting the 6 year old sleep in the main bed? You both need to do what's right by your daughter - you're instilling an absolutely TERRIBLE model of relationships and conflict management in her future. Get it bloody sorted before your bad relationship becomes her future self's long-term therapy subject. Fuck's sake.

If you only have one child and she is at school you will be expected to find a job and start supporting yourself. If your marriage is ending I would start thinking about that as a priority.

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

If you only have one child and she is at school you will be expected to find a job and start supporting yourself. If your marriage is ending I would start thinking about that as a priority.

Yes. I've been looking for work but nothing at the moment

@Tempusfudgeit

Are you the same poster whose wife was letting the 6 year old sleep in the main bed? You both need to do what's right by your daughter - you're instilling an absolutely TERRIBLE model of relationships and conflict management in her future. Get it bloody sorted before your bad relationship becomes her future self's long-term therapy subject. Fuck's sake.

We're not arguing in front of our dd.it would be helpful if I had some constructive feedback of support rather than harshness

I'm observing that neither of you seem to be acting in the vulnerable child's best interests. Sorry if that's 'harsh'.

OP get help. If you cannot afford a lawyer yourself see if you can get legal aid. This is serious.

This is a harsh reality for you. Very hard. Start living separately and apply for what benefits you might be entitled to. Separate financially. She's done the dirty on you by transferring money out and stopping her salary. Get a job. Are you rural? What industry do you work in? If you can transfer any savings that are left, do it.

She's holding a hammer up at you on top of all that.

In the kindest possible way, this is not a situation where 'its her depression and anxiety' really applies

What about job plus uni?

@blackcurrantjam

This is a harsh reality for you. Very hard. Start living separately and apply for what benefits you might be entitled to. Separate financially. She's done the dirty on you by transferring money out and stopping her salary. Get a job. Are you rural? What industry do you work in? If you can transfer any savings that are left, do it.

She's holding a hammer up at you on top of all that.

In the kindest possible way, this is not a situation where 'its her depression and anxiety' really applies

Can I apply for benefits even though she is still living here and paying half her way?

I think I am too kind and maybe in denial still. This is just totally out of her character for her, so I keep thinking she will change her mind or be kinder to me.

I am an administrator just above minimum wage.

Hi,
I think you can claim benefits while living together as long as you are separated and could demonstrate this to anyone who came to check. So, living separate lives in same house. Sleep in different rooms, eat separately, do your own laundry, all that kind of stuff. Not an expert, but that is my understanding of how it works.
Must be so hard to go through something like this if you don't even want it.

It's hard to know whether your wife is going through some sort of mental health crisis or whether she truly wants the relationship to end. If she won't talk to you, is there anyone else she might talk to to help you understand what's going on in her head - a friend or relative? Then again (and I hope I don't sound harsh), it is common for the person being left to assume their partner is temporarily a bit "crazy". Google "psychology of divorce" and see if you recognise anything there.

Im not sure re your rental properties actually...
Check on gov UK website
You can I think but you need to be living separately in the home I think
Benefit office/work coach will expect you to be looking for jobs
Not sure of you get UC when child is 6 but I would think you'd get sthing
You could get on with divorcing. Sounds like you've got plenty of unreasonable behaviour examples

Chumplady.com

Keep looking for admin jobs, do some training? Sometimes there are grants and things x

@coronabeer

Hi, I think you can claim benefits while living together as long as you are separated and could demonstrate this to anyone who came to check. So, living separate lives in same house. Sleep in different rooms, eat separately, do your own laundry, all that kind of stuff. Not an expert, but that is my understanding of how it works. Must be so hard to go through something like this if you don't even want it. It's hard to know whether your wife is going through some sort of mental health crisis or whether she truly wants the relationship to end. If she won't talk to you, is there anyone else she might talk to to help you understand what's going on in her head - a friend or relative? Then again (and I hope I don't sound harsh), it is common for the person being left to assume their partner is temporarily a bit "crazy". Google "psychology of divorce" and see if you recognise anything there.

She won't talk to anyone and has no friends to discuss things with. It's just all not healthy.

Thank you for your advice x