Divorced, but ex won't move out

[BlueJay1975]

I have been through a very long, very painful divorce. Due to COVID, and other issues, we have had to stay living in the same house throughout the process. I have slept on the living room couch for the last 2 years.

Finally my decree absolute came though, and I thought it might all be over. But my ex is refusing to move out. Basically, ex is buying a house, and the purchase keeps getting delayed for various reasons.

My solicitor is useless, and just keeps telling me that we are now in the "implementation period" of the divorce. But how long can "implementation" last? Can my ex just keep staying here indefinitely (and not paying a penny towards mortgage, bills, or anything)?

I'm so mentally broken and exhausted.

If the divorce settlement is complete and you are now the sole owner of the property, he has no entitlement to stay. Give him a 24hr deadline & then if he refuses to leave, pack his stuff & call the police.
He can make it as easy or as difficult as he wishes.

You have left out a lot of important information. Who owns the home? If you do, kick him out.

Apologies, yes, I missed out a lot of information.
Currently the house is still in joint names. The Court Order says:

"The respondent shall transfer all his legal estate and beneficial interest in the family home, simultaneously with his purchase of a house..."

So I take that to mean my ex keeps joint ownership of our house until such time as he manages to buy a house of his own and move out. But that could theoretically take forever?

Perhaps I've just not understood the divorce process properly, but it seems like a decree absolute doesn't actually mean anything. Even after divorce, my ex can delay the purchase of his house and continue living with me indefinitely?

If he still legally owns the home, he can stay. Will he even be able to purchase another home whilst owning this one? Is there a mortgage on the house?

I would consider an occupation order. I can’t see how he can contest it as you are now divorced and he obviously has funds to support himself.

Additional: his behaviour is abusive (he could be seen to be deliberately stalling his purchase of a home - did he deliberately prolong the divorce process - you are sleeping on a sofa etc etc) and this would be your reason for applying for the order.

I'm taking out another mortage on the property to buy him out, and I have the funds all ready to give to him. That money funds the purchase of his new house.

The issue seems to be, how long do I give him to take the money and go? He sits on his backside all day every day, claiming benefits, whilst I work, look after the children, and pay all the bills. What power do I have to force him to find a place and go? He's had at least 2 years to get himself ready for moving out.

I think the problem is the way that your financial order has been drafted. Personally (and I say this as a divorce barrister) I wouldn’t ever draft an order where the transfer of the family home hinges on the other party buying a new property, because there’s no incentive then for the purchasing party to get the ball moving. I would rather it hinged on a date - like 2 months after decree absolute, within 28 days of the receipt of the lump sum, etc. Are you sure that’s the correct wording?
Is there anything else in the order about WHEN he is to purchase a house? And have you secured his release from the mortgage?
I see above someone has suggested an occupation order, and I would not recommend that. The threshold for getting one is extremely high and it doesn’t sound like you have a case for one (they’re meant to be emergency protection for DV, not just to remove someone you’re no longer in a relationship with.)

Thank you. I'm starting to feel like my solicitor has done a very poor job of drafting the financial remedy order.

There is a paragraph under "recitals", that says: "it is recorded between the parties that the respondent is purchasing a property which is expected to complete in March 2021. The transfer and lump sum will take place simultaneously to prevent the respondent being homeless".

According to my ex, his purchase in March fell through. He could easily rent somewhere, move in with his parents, or whatever.

Do I have to continue to sleep on the couch, and fund my ex-husband's lifestyle indefinitely?

Speak to domestic violence helpline and see if his behaviour warrants an occupation order.

You can take it back to court, sound like you may need to.

Well if it was expected to close in March 2021 and it hasn't done so, is there no way to revisit this with your solicitor and get him out now that March has well and truly passed? It surely cannot go on indefinitely. Take back your bedroom for a start. Don't do a single thing for him in the house - as in cooking, washing clothes etc.

My solicitor has suggested something called "liberty to apply", which apparently is something to do with enforcing the court order if there are continuing issues. But again, there are no timescales for this.

I have no words to describe my feelings right now. Is it really the case in English law, that you can have a clean-break divorce that takes many years, and then you must still live with your ex-husband indefinitely. I cannot believe this is right. I am so broken.

I will try an Occupation Order - I don't see that I have anything to lose.

Yep, shit job by your solicitor.

I would apply under the liberty to apply provision, it is there to manage implementation issues like this. Possibly along with an occupation order application as belt and braces, so the court has no doubt about its ability to get him out.

And seek a costs order against him too, to come out of his lump sum.

I'm sorry, it can be a long road from apparent agreement to getting everything squared away, it's really frustrating.

You need to deduct half of the bills etc from the proceeds. Plus why are you in the couch and not him? You need to take possession of the bedroom. I hope you aren’t cooking or cleaning up after him?

I think you can request an amendment to your consent order so it has a time deadline - mine has although our first draft was like that.

I did read somewhere that you can apply for a amendment so maybe try asking the court?

Hi there just reaching out to the original poster to see how things ended up. I’m in a very similar situation and this period of limbo with us still living together is slowly sucking the life out of me. We separated over 9 months ago. His purchase keeps getting set back. We have 3 kids, the youngest is 3 months and I feel completely broken at times. He has no empathy and would stubbornly live here forever if he could. I can’t move on until he’s out. I’m completely suffocated.

Could you afford something to pay him to leave, get something drawn up legally that he is given X amount on signing the property over to you & funds will then be signed over to him on condition he moves out?

@Nat6999 yes that’s in our separation agreement which has now been signed, my remortgage will complete next week and I will pay him funds over at that point to buy him out. He, however, will stay in the house until his purchase completes. I have asked him to leave on countless occasions, he says it’s a waste of money to rent in the interim. We do want to preserve a friendship for the sake of the kids hence why I’m reticent to take any solid action re kicking him out. I guess I just wish he would understand what a complete head fuck this situation is for me and how I need space. He’s everywhere and never leaves the house during his downtime. I’ve exhausted all the ‘nice’ tactics but he’s still so obstinate he’s won’t do the decent thing and rent in the meantime, my parents have even offered (through me) to pay this. If I look back his behaviour has been subtlety controlling throughout. When I told him I wanted a divorce I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone unless it was on his terms - we had to tell family together and I basically wasn’t allowed to be truthful re I left him. But it wasn’t him telling me we had to do it this way he probably just said things which engineered that outcome. I went along with it because I didn’t want to hurt him more than I had already. His presence is utterly draining. There are no answers I don’t think. But happy to hear what others think. Just gotta get my head down and ride it out.

I’ve gone through a similar thing recently. What I did was to get the mortgage, transfer the money to him that I was supposed to transfer based on consent order and then still gave him a month and then packed his stuff, put it in his car and changed locks.
good luck!

I would what Sova says but hold back an amount & only give it him on him moving out. Give him a date in writing that he has to be out by & stick to it, a month is fair, then on that date pack his bags & change the locks. Use your solicitor if you have any problems.

Hi
Just been in a similar situation with my DP's ex. The ex worded the CBO in a way which meant they could stay as long as they like after receiving money. we got that reworded to 90 days (still had to threaten D11 to enforce it) however we found out that the mortgage company will not release funds until the former partner has vacated the property which is causing us a catch 22. They cant go without the money but cant have the money until they go. I would get an adjustment to your CBO with a time frame added then take it back to court. Good luck i know how awful this situation can be

Your lawyer did a poor job there should be deadlines mine had infact I’m still sorting out finances but his left .
the difference of having a good and not so good solicitor .

Why are you on the couch .
as soon as you get a chance in his absence move back into your room get a lock fitted and let him stay on the couch

I'm sorry this is happening to everybody here. I'm in a similar situation (not in U.K. so other laws at play) and he's refused to move out for sex years. I've now got a SHL so things are progressing but, I thought it was just me. I'd never heard of someone refusing to move out. It actually didn't even occur to me because why would you want to live with someone who clearly doesn't want to live with you?

He is also controlling (I eventually realised). Also took advantage of the fact I wanted to do it amicably.

Anyway no advice from me, just hello to fellow sufferers!

*SIX years!

Freudian slip!

Not being able to start a new relationship (ie have sex) is part of the controlling behaviour. He's stolen years of my life.