Wife's secret debts and divorce

[CertainGecko]

I am planning to end my marriage for several reasons, one of which is that I have uncovered secret debts that my wife has accrued. They are not for family reasons - I pay more than a fair share, and after her family outgoings, she should have £1k-ish of spending money a month, but has a drink and smoking habit that outstrips her income.

First off - will these debts be considered joint responsibilities? They are in her name only, not mine, we have separate bank accounts and we don't have access to each others accounts. We own a house and have equity in it.

Secondly, I have enough reason to split without disclosing I know about them. Is there any benefit to me pretending I don't know about them? I'd rather tell her I know, as I would like an explanation, but if it might affect my settlement I'll keep quiet.

Yes, the debts will be considered joint responsibilities and will possibly be taken into account.

Her drinking and smoking won't affect the settlement, no. Do you think the judge will award her less money because she drinks and smokes then?

I wasn't asking about the drinking and smoking, I mentioned them to explain why she's in debt despite £1k spends a month.

I meant if I don't tell her I know about the debts, is there any benefit? I suppose I'm hoping that if I don't tell her I know, she'll continue to hide them and then they won't be counted in the settlement. Wishful thinking probably.

I guess I'm just pissed off that while I've been struggling at home with the kids, both practically and financially, she's literally pissed thousands up the wall and I'll have to lose out. If I don't get enough equity I won't be able to afford a house for me and the kids.

She won't be able to hide them, she has to declare them on the Form E.

How much debt are you talking about?

To make it clear - she's been spending approx £900 a month on cigarettes and alcohol. This alone is more than my entire income, from which I feed us all, pay half of the bills except the mortgage (she pays that as an equal to me buying all these food) and have then approx £75 a month to spend on myself.

All that won't matter in the settlement, but it might help you understand why I feel so aggrieved about the debts.

I think about £15,000. That's all I've found so far. In various loans.

What if she just doesn't declare them? Is there any way a court would find out? As you might hsve gathered she'd shit with money so she might think to not put them on.

How. Much. Debt. Are. You. Talking. About?

I. Have. Just. Told. You.

That is a hell of a lot of money on alcohol. Is she a functional alcoholic? I'm sorry I've got no advice but I hope she dosent screw you over financially, good luck x

You're wife has racked up £15,000 worth of debt buying alcohol and fags?

She will declare it, it's in her interest to declare it. All you can do is push the divorce through as soon as possible to limit the damage just in case you are ordered to split the debts.

If they were taken out before you got married, they’ll be her full responsibility. If they were taken out after you got married, they’ll affect your settlement even if they’re in her sole name. When getting divorced you have to declare all financials. There’s no benefit to pretending you don’t know about them.

You're wife has racked up £15,000 worth of debt buying alcohol and fags?

I think basically, at £900 a month, she's gone over her budget by a shit load (bearing in mind the £1k after bills and mortgage is to cover everything we all like to spend on, so there'll be other personal outgoings too), then she's managed her debts badly, it look like she's in arrears on several of them, so is accruing fees quickly, think she might have got more debt to pay off other ones etc. Hence in the mess she's in. I don't know the fu extent of it, as she's been hiding the letters and this is all I can gather from what I've seen.

And yes, despite her denials, she's a functioning alcoholic, drinks over 100 units a week. I can't put my kids through this. She has promised to cut down but it keeps creeping up again, and the kids are getting old enough to understand things aren't right, so I'm out of patience waiting for anything to change.

Plus she's cheated on me again so between that, the drink, and the debts, I'm done.

I don't blame you for divorcing her, but i'm not sure you'll get more than 50/50 split. How old are the children?

You need to see a solicitor and make the separation legal asap. I thought there used to be a way of declaring you wouldnt take responsibility for any new debts racked up by the other party but I’m not sure if that’s still a thing. Is there decent equity in the house/savings/pension?

I don't blame you for divorcing her, but i'm not sure you'll get more than 50/50 split. How old are the children?

Why would you assume that? They are 5 and 1.

Purplewithred, I was hoping there'd be something like that but nothing I've read suggests it. You're right, I do need to move with a solicitor fast, I just need to figure out what info I need to take to them.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

I don't blame you for divorcing her, but i'm not sure you'll get more than 50/50 split. How old are the children?

I think he’s worried about getting less because of her debts, not more. And from the sounds of it he’s the one taking care of the children, which may result in him actually getting more

@CertainGecko

Purplewithred, I was hoping there'd be something like that but nothing I've read suggests it. You're right, I do need to move with a solicitor fast, I just need to figure out what info I need to take to them.

Your solicitor works for you, they won’t disclose anything you don’t want them to. You give them ALL the info and they will see what they can do with it

My STBXH has debt and my solicitor said that if it's gambling/drinking etc. we can argue for it not to be counted as family debt and purely his. It isn't in my case but you have some hope.

Speak to a solicitor.

Yes, my understanding is that he needs more than 50/50 in order to be able to house the dc. Which he may well do but there are so many variables to be taken into account and the OP has only really told us very brief details.

When we divorced, (years ago) I had some debts which were in my name. My then husband and I discussed them between ourselves, I felt as they were my debts, he shouldn't have to deal with them, and I kept them.
The forms we had to fill in asked about work, pay, savings etc. I didn't put the debts down as it didn't ask about them, no-one checked anything....
We split other assets although we were allowed to "trade off" certain financial things eg. I had slightly more of the savings in return for not making a claim on his pension.
I paid my debts off after the split and my husband didn't need to pay any of it. However, we were able to discuss everything between ourselves and it might be harder if you can't do that.

Yes, I will continue to be primary carer, and will need a family home to house them. I'm the bio mum, she has full parental responsibility but doesn't have the same bond with them. There is no question they'll stay with me. Given her level of drinking I'll also be arguing for supervised contact for her. The youngest still breastfeeds and the eldest won't go to sleep without me so I don't even know how overnights would go.

So yes I'll be needing a good share of the equity which is reasonable.

@gorngss that's interesting, I will look into that.

@Hsurbbrb thanks, I wasn't sure if when it tell my solicitor things they're obliged to act on them anyway.

@MeanderingGently that sounds lovely and civilised, glad that worked out for you. You were very fair to me him to do that. I doubt that's going to happen here. She once told me I wouldn't see a penny of the house since she'd made all the mortgage payments and when I pointed out that I paid for all the grocery shopping (at the time more than the mortgage as her adult and teen children were still living with us) she said a bit of cheap shit from Aldi didn't count for anything. So I can't see anything reasonable happening.