When you should start dating

[Mandy8t1]

Hi,

I first told my husband I wanted to separate in Dec 2019 and we separated last year but lived in the same house due to selling in Covid. We’d been in a loveless marriage for some time but ultimately I ended the relationship which felt dead to me for about 3 years.

We only managed to sell our property earlier this year but a friendship I had has developed into something since moving out and we are spending more time together and both falling for each other.

The issue I have is my ex and son often ask where I am or what I am up to and I have been lying which makes me feel horrendous. I’m doing it to protect their feelings and also feel it would be too soon in their eyes whereas I have felt alone for such a long time and this man makes me very happy.

I don’t know how to manage this situation. Any help appreciated!

how old is your son?

He’s 9

So for you son it’s only been a couple of months?

How new is it for your son, what did he know before?
I think I’d either say “seeing friends” to them both, or I’d say that to your son, but tell your ex that his questions aren’t appropriate as you’re no longer in a relationship.

My mum did this but I was 13. She used to say she was going to 'Singles Club' or seeing a friend but I knew she was with this man.

I'm in a very similar situation! My son is lives with me and his dad has moved away. We have a very close relationship but I have been separated since August 2020 and we have our decree nisi. I can't bring myself to say I am going on a date but not sure when is deemed acceptable!

Thank you for your replies. Appreciated. We told him we were separating last August but we’d been living apart in separate rooms for a year prior to this. My son actually said he knew we were no longer together from before then. So technically around 3 months from moving out but in terms of seeing us ‘together’ I’d say a couple of years.

My ex is always asking me who I’ve met up with and I feel so guilty lying but scared he’ll make my life a misery. I also hate lying to my son but don’t want to upset or worry him.

Good luck to those in similar situation. Sure it all works out!

August 2020 sounds very reasonable! It’s such a tough thing to measure, especially as you’ve probably gone a significant amount of time and grieved the relationship by the time you come to separate! I wish you much happiness.