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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

HELP! Divorce in Scotland advice needed - ex being an utter fud

8 replies

Christoncrutches · 22/06/2021 18:58

Last year I started divorce proceedings after 10.5 years separation - this has been held up because of covid (they needed birth cert of DD and the issuing of docs was severely delayed). Once I got the cert, I got my writ. By this time though, my x2 DDs (13yo & 15yo) decided to break contact with their dad, who has a history of mental health issues, gaslighting, toxic nonsense blahblah. They haven't seen him since Xmas day 2020 and are soooo much better for it - more settled etc (eldest was self harming due to the anxiety of having to handle her relationship with him) and don't wish to renew contact anytime soon. He knows this is their decision (and denies their reasons).

So the writ that has been served to him says that he has regular contact with him, but now that's inaccurate. I've paid for 100% of this divorce (he also hasn't paid maintenance for 9 years - my DP and I financially support them) and to start again, shelling out all over again, just to get this detail amended seems bananas.

He's penniless (allegedly), but has apparently engaged a local solicitor to contest it. He has two weeks to do so. He says this is to 'save the most important relationships he has'. As if by trying to legally force the girls to see him, he'll get them back on side...

Anyone know anything about the likelihood of him successfully contesting the divorce because of this?

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Christoncrutches · 23/06/2021 00:21

Bump

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HirplesWithHaggis · 23/06/2021 00:27

I'm not a lawyer, but I can't see any court ordering teenagers to see someone they don't want to see, and the idea this could affect a divorce... blows my mind tbh. I can see why you'd divorced him.

Christoncrutches · 23/06/2021 00:44

@HirplesWithHaggis

I'm not a lawyer, but I can't see any court ordering teenagers to see someone they don't want to see, and the idea this could affect a divorce... blows my mind tbh. I can see why you'd divorced him.
Thanks @HirplesWithHaggis - Yes, my common-sense inner voice is saying the same thing, but I know he'd most likely get legal aid as he's on benefits, so my paranoid voice is telling me he's going to be an arse about this, just because he can. The girls are adamant they don't want to see him - eldest is 16 in 10 weeks and youngest is 13 and more than able to advocate for herself.

How he can say he's trying to save their relationship by contesting our divorce after a decade of separation is beyond me. He's the kind of person who would do it just to get attention iykwim, and paint himself as the victim. Total narcissist bullshit.

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Christoncrutches · 23/06/2021 10:21

bump

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weegiepower · 23/06/2021 14:15

Can't help but bumping for you

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 23/06/2021 14:21

The very recent change in law means no sheriff will push children of that age to have contact.
The sheriff will look at their ages now and may not make an order at all in respect to contact- as it is unenforceable- more likely to make a residence order only.
Not a lawyer but have been through similar in Scotland v recently.

AlphabetAerobics · 23/06/2021 14:23

I too am married to a fud - despite having been separated an age.

Such is the delight of Scottish law - we can only divorce if both parties are in agreement re: the children. There is no Fud clause!

Which means yeh... technically he can hold everything up just because he's a fud - because we don't want these wimmins going around divorcing fuds unless he AGREES!

I served my writ last week (which naturally I have paid for... because he's a fud who said he'd take care of it when we split up years and years and years ago)... and it just says "satisfactory custody agreement".

I don't know if he's going to accept it tbh - whilst we do have an agreement, the fud struggles to read and understand what he himself demanded to be put in to it...

But - on a positive note - my friend had her day in court the other week and her FIVE year old was listened to when they told the judge their father was a FUD!

Christoncrutches · 23/06/2021 18:55

Thanks for the bumpage @weegiepower

@SuperLoudPoppingAction - that's most reassuring and sounds like common sense to me... I'm hoping he'll receive that advice from the solicitor he's (allegedly) talking to tomorrow and he'll see how utterly pointless this is - although knowing him, just being a fly in the ointment is his motivation.

@AlphabetAerobics - we sound like divorcing-a-fud twins! They're not exactly doing much to look good for their children with such nonsense, eh - and then they wonder why they're not enjoying a decent relationship with them... I'm guessing your ex-fud does still have contact? Because mine doesn't, I think he sees this as the only weapon left in his armour. Your friend's situation is SOOOO heartening... children should of course be listened to, and surely most courts will know the signs of a child being coerced by a parent, if that were the case. I'm sure that's his angle on all of this - I'm poisoning their minds blahblah...

Let me know how he responds to your writ. Le Fud has another 2 weeks to respond, so just trying to look at worse case scenarios just in case.

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