Financial Abuse - seperation please help

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Wife (i am also female), said she wants to separate in an argument on Friday. I said we need to talk about how we will go ahead with finances etc everything 50/50. She shouts and me and gets angry, saying all I think about it the finances.
We have a mortgage together and properties.
We also have a 6 year old daughter.
I have tried for us to talk about this amicably but she is very hostile with me.

I work part time and can't afford to keep a roof over my head on my salary. We both agreed 4 years ago for me to work part time when dd6 came along, so I could be main carer and also to help with property business. I now want to discuss hiw we move forward with this seperation but she won't talk. Keeps getting angry and says leave me alone.
She has also taken most of the cash from our savings and also money from the business. Saying she earns more and that its her money. I asked her why are you taking money out and says its her money and she needs to sort out a deposit for her own place.

Saying she won't talk says leave me alone
Gets very angry
Blaming all problems/arguements on me
Saying I brought up issue about finances
Then said she will keep house and I will have less than 50/50 of sale of house as mortgage outstanding.
As she has put her dad's 12k in mortgage
And put her own redundancy money in mortgage
We will have daughter 50/50
She keeps saying 'yourself out'
She said she will reduce her working hours to look after DD6
She said she toiled to work for her business
Threatened to take all money out of bank

We both agreed for me to drop to part time hours 4 years ago for me to be main parent and to help with property management...

Now she wants to separate and won't discuss this amicably. Saying I brought up finances..
I told her if she wants to split we need to discuss finances, properties and most importantly dd.

Is this financial abuse she has removed a significant amount of money from savings and says she earns more so she is entitled to more. She threatened to take all money out of joint account and savings.

I said if we can't discuss amicably we will have to get solicitors involved and it will cost us alot of money. She said no way will she pay for solicitors.

I really don't know where or what I can do. I have not got enough money to pay for bills on my own. She is also threatening to have dd 50 % of time

Please someone help me

Please can someone help

How long have you been married? Ultimately, the start will be 50/50 on everything. Working PT is fine when both agrees, when you go in your own, you can't be expected to continue to do so being supported by the other. Your DD is now at school, so it's not unreasonable to expect you'll go back to work FT if it means you can then buy a property.

It's complex with the business matter so you'll need to get a lawyer.

Go and take 50% of the joint account funds and put it in your own bank account.
Or work out quickly how much you put into the joint account and take that amount out.
Then seek urgent legal advice.

Well it’s reasonable for you to return full time to support yourself

But share of assets and how they’ll be split it doesn’t matter who earned what, whose name is in what. It’s all joint. A split will depend on who has your child (50:50 is a reasonable ask), how long you’ve been married, earning potentials, needs etc

You really do need solicitor

I'm not sure it's useful to think about whether it is abusive at this stage. I would talk to a solicitor asap and do what you can to protect your assets. The suggestion by a PP to stick half the funds into an account in your name only sounds wise. Then don't touch it if it can be avoided.

It sounds quite typically nightmarish rather than abusive. If I were you I would:

File for divorce
Take money out of savings and put it where only you can get it. Equivalent to what she has taken if possible.
Get yourself to a mediator MIAM meeting
Up your hours at work/change your job - daughter is at school and it sounds like your wife is not feeling particularly supportive anymore so plan for 50/50 childcare split and work
See if your on deeds of properties. If you are, stay involved in them - contact mortgage people, renting agent etc. If you're not, I think you can register an interest or something, particularly on fmh.

Life changes on divorce. Fight for what you deserve but accept that things will change and adapt accordingly. She doesn't sound very nice. You'll probably be happier free of her.

It sounds like she's going to move out. Let her. But up your hours so you can cover the mortgage on your home. Is there any profit from the presumably jointly owned rentals? Half is yours I would think if jointly owned etc.

Also these things actually take forever so take a deep breath and try not to panic. I appreciate that is easier said than done but honestly it takes ages.

I am panicking and feeling overwhelmed. I've asked for extra hours at work an non at the moment. I've looked for jobs locally to me and non available.
There is no profit with our rental properties as rent covers mortgage and insurance.
We do have equity in our house though

Reality is equity in house will need to be split according to what you each need to house you +child

Is there no equity in rentals? More than one? Keep one each and split equity family home between you? If she earns way more than you she will potentially need less equity to rehouse

It's a horrible time. Panicking is totally normal. But it does take ages to sort out so nothing is actually going to change without you having a chance to work it out.

Reality is also she will have to engage in negotiating a settlement, either thru mediation or court. You have to try mediation before either one of you applies to the court. But either of you can file for divorce. If you file, advantage is you're driving the process.

Are there no care work jobs? Can you do a course to up your qualifications? Can you claim any benefits as single person? Things like council tax reduction if she moves out....
How long married for?

Together for 24 years and married 14 years

It's all marital assets then I think

As a starting point, go to the resolution website and look up family lawyers in your area:

resolution.org.uk/find-a-law-professional/

Then check out all the websites and look for ones offering a free initial consultation and book 2-3 appointments if you can. These initial free appointments were sufficient to give me the confidence to initiate a divorce from stbxh; at the time I was a SAHM with zero income of my own and these appointments were a godsend. If you are quick, you may well be able to see someone before the end of the week.

In general terms, 24 years is classed as a long marriage so the starting point should be a 50:50 split. Your contribution as a primary caregiver will be deemed equal to your wife's contribution as main breadwinner.

@coronabeer

As a starting point, go to the resolution website and look up family lawyers in your area:

resolution.org.uk/find-a-law-professional/

Then check out all the websites and look for ones offering a free initial consultation and book 2-3 appointments if you can. These initial free appointments were sufficient to give me the confidence to initiate a divorce from stbxh; at the time I was a SAHM with zero income of my own and these appointments were a godsend. If you are quick, you may well be able to see someone before the end of the week.

In general terms, 24 years is classed as a long marriage so the starting point should be a 50:50 split. Your contribution as a primary caregiver will be deemed equal to your wife's contribution as main breadwinner.

Thank you all for your replies. How did you afford a solicitor in the end? How did you manage and cope with this all? X

One of the questions I asked in my first free appointment was about how I could pay for a divorce. In my case, I was advised to open a current account in my name and use savings held in my name even though they were joint savings.

Your situation may be different, but you could ask about withdrawing from the joint account and placing in your own account. I am not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure there is no lawful reason why you couldn't do this as long as you don't try to hide the money afterwards. Financial disclosure means you will both have to demonstrate the assets available to you at some point.

It must be an awful shock for you - try to see someone as soon as possible for some proper advice. In my experience, both the solicitors I met in these initial appointments were very helpful and kind.

@coronabeer

One of the questions I asked in my first free appointment was about how I could pay for a divorce. In my case, I was advised to open a current account in my name and use savings held in my name even though they were joint savings.

Your situation may be different, but you could ask about withdrawing from the joint account and placing in your own account. I am not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure there is no lawful reason why you couldn't do this as long as you don't try to hide the money afterwards. Financial disclosure means you will both have to demonstrate the assets available to you at some point.

It must be an awful shock for you - try to see someone as soon as possible for some proper advice. In my experience, both the solicitors I met in these initial appointments were very helpful and kind.

Thanks l for replying and advice. I am too scared to start taking money out incase it makes the situation worse. She might stop payments for my car. I don't want it to become a tit-for-tat situation.

How did you manage if you didn't have a job?
Did you have to get your own place with kids?

Looking to get a divorce ASAP, husband walks out of jobs as has a short fuse so have carried his expenses for best part of 7 years which has given him a flash car all paid off while I still drive a banger, he's a nasty spiteful narcissustic individual, despite his lack of contribution and inability to look after the child the solicitor has said he gets 50% of everything... The house is in my name and have had 0% contribution, this seems so unfair... Is it worth a fight or just give in???