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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce and wide says she can sell our house

38 replies

Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 22:12

Wife said she wants to separate probably divorce. (We're a female same sex couple) She said for me to move into our a flat we rent out and she can live in our home with daughter. I said I don't want to split and I shouldn't have to move out and I can stay with daughter.
We agreed a few years ago that I would work part time so I could look after house, daughter etc. So my wage is only £720 per month.
I can't afford to live off that amount on my own and she knows that.she is basically going to leave me high and dry. I've looked for full time jobs but non available.

Also, my car is in her name and is paid for my our joint account. She is the main breadwinner as she is a high earner.
She also set up a Community Interest Company which she made me Director of as she is also. She is saying I won't get a salary from that.
She is also saying she paid more into our mortgage with her 'own money.
We are both married.
I have rang solicitors to see if they offer free advice but non do. Citizens Advice said they will ring me Tuesday.

I have no money to pay for any advice and can't afford to pay for bills on my own

Any help or advise from anyone who's been in a similar situation. I am broken

OP posts:
drpet49 · 18/06/2021 22:44

You are the primary cater for your daughter. Your wife should leave the family house. Get a good solicitor and take your wife for every penny. You are entitled to her pension too.

spotcheck · 18/06/2021 22:46

You are both married?
To each other?
Sorry, the word ' both' confuses things ( for me only, perhaps)

OffRampHilton · 18/06/2021 22:49

@spotcheck

You are both married? To each other? Sorry, the word ' both' confuses things ( for me only, perhaps)
Why would her wife want a divorce if they’re not married?
BunnyRuddington · 18/06/2021 22:55

Rights of Women will be able to give you some free advice. Don't move out until you have some legal advice Thanks

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:00

@drpet49

You are the primary cater for your daughter. Your wife should leave the family house. Get a good solicitor and take your wife for every penny. You are entitled to her pension too.
I rang solicitors today and non give free financial advice. One charges £150 per hour. I simply can't afford that. How do other women manage when they have no money?
OP posts:
Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:01

@spotcheck

You are both married? To each other? Sorry, the word ' both' confuses things ( for me only, perhaps)
Yes. You shocked that two women can marry? ;-)
OP posts:
blackcurrantjam · 18/06/2021 23:07

How old is your daughter? Just carry on looking after her as normal and explain to her the situation. She can't kick you out. If she wants a divorce you need to come to a financial arrangement. Your assets might mean you can't get legal aid. A mediator will tell you. Form E.
That's some info.
I'm sorry you're going through this Flowers

blackcurrantjam · 18/06/2021 23:08

Explain to wife sorry, not daughter

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2021 23:09

Could you borrow some money from a friend or family member?

The house may be sold as part of the divorce but it belongs equally to both of you and she can’t force you to leave. She wants to split up so she should leave if you no longer wants to be together.

She’s financially abusive so you might be able to get advice from women’s aid.

How old is your daughter?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s shit but not desperate, there is help out there. Chin up and get practical. Do you have any real life support?

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:14

My daughter is 6. I have 2 really good friends.

I can't believe this is happening to me

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 18/06/2021 23:18

I can't believe this is happening to me. it must be such a shock.

Try and find put as much as you can about her finances. You should be entitled to half of the equity and some of her pension. She may go for 50/50 custody of your DD which would mean that she wouldn't pay any maintenance.

DeRigueurMortis · 18/06/2021 23:19

Do not be persuaded to leave the house.

If she wants to separate and leave then that's for her to find somewhere else to live.

She can't force you to leave your home.

Get copies of as much financial information as you can. Pay slips, bank accounts, pensions etc etc

I'm worried about you being a Director of her company. You could be liable for all sorts (debt/lawsuits). Frankly, I'd look to resign that position especially if you don't earn an income from it. You can do that via the Companies House website.

I think your best approach right now is "grey rock".

Let her make the running. She wants a divorce, then she gets the ball rolling with a solicitor.

She doesn't want to live together, then she moves out.

In the meantime go to your appointment with CAB and understand your rights but do not "sacrifice" anything you have right now on her say so.

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:20

Half of her pension? She has lots of different pension pots also

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 18/06/2021 23:21

@Googleboxfan

Half of her pension? She has lots of different pension pots also
Find the paperwork and make copies.

Of everything financial....literally everything.

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:22

@DeRigueurMortis

Do not be persuaded to leave the house.

If she wants to separate and leave then that's for her to find somewhere else to live.

She can't force you to leave your home.

Get copies of as much financial information as you can. Pay slips, bank accounts, pensions etc etc

I'm worried about you being a Director of her company. You could be liable for all sorts (debt/lawsuits). Frankly, I'd look to resign that position especially if you don't earn an income from it. You can do that via the Companies House website.

I think your best approach right now is "grey rock".

Let her make the running. She wants a divorce, then she gets the ball rolling with a solicitor.

She doesn't want to live together, then she moves out.

In the meantime go to your appointment with CAB and understand your rights but do not "sacrifice" anything you have right now on her say so.

Thanks for your advice everyone...what do you mean by 'grey rock'?
OP posts:
MrsNewms85 · 18/06/2021 23:22

Do not leave the family home, gather as much info as you can, don't believe a word she says about what your entitlements are. Hope you get some solid advice and representation soon.

BunnyRuddington · 18/06/2021 23:23

Really good advice from DeRigueurMortis.

VanCleefArpels · 18/06/2021 23:24

On finances, you’d usually be entitled to some Universal Credit to top up your low income. However your (part?) ownership of the second property will act against you as it will be deemed an asset worth more than £16k.

If there’s no full time work available then another part time job?

Have a look here for things to consider

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/

Given there are other assets at play and small children investing in good legal advice is worth it if you don’t think you can settle things amicably

DeRigueurMortis · 18/06/2021 23:26

Here:

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:27

DeRig- I can probably find her pension paperwork but her payslips are all on her online work system.

We have joint bank accounts. Would bank statements be OK?

I have noticed she has transferred 1k of our savings to another account! She will say its her money as she is the higher earner

OP posts:
Warmduscher · 18/06/2021 23:27

Yes. You shocked that two women can marry? ;-)

I’m sure it’s not that - more that people normally say “we are married” to mean they are married to each other.

“We are both married” implies that each of you is married to someone else.

Original poster
Googleboxfan · 18/06/2021 23:32

@Warmduscher

Yes. You shocked that two women can marry? ;-)

I’m sure it’s not that - more that people normally say “we are married” to mean they are married to each other.

“We are both married” implies that each of you is married to someone else.

Oh, I see. Sorry about that x
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/06/2021 23:39

Are there any joint savings you can transfer to your account? You need access to cash.

DeRigueurMortis · 18/06/2021 23:44

@Googleboxfan

DeRig- I can probably find her pension paperwork but her payslips are all on her online work system.

We have joint bank accounts. Would bank statements be OK?

I have noticed she has transferred 1k of our savings to another account! She will say its her money as she is the higher earner

If you're married it's joint money regardless of whose name the account is in.

Don't worry about the pay slips if they are online but get anything else you can.

Also if this is looking like a nasty slip you need to be one step ahead.

First and foremost is online communication.

Stay calm in emails and texts. They could be used in court if it comes to that. Remember anything you send could be used so be mindful of that and do not text/ email in anger/despair or especially drunk.

In fact I'd advise that tomorrow after a nights rest you send a very reasonable email. Say you understand she wants to separate and asking what her proposal is to ensure the well being of your daughter.

State clearly (but not emotionally) that you jointly agreed to be the SAHP. As such your current income is limited but that you are willing and actively looking for additional work.

In the meantime what is her suggestion for providing both financially and emotionally for your daughters needs?

In other words ask polite questions and give her the rope to prove she wants to fuck you over.

dane8 · 18/06/2021 23:45

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