Why is he only nasty when with his GF?

[SallyAnn32]

Long story short - ex had an affair, we split up, he's with OW. I'm with someone new. We split up late 2019 so it's not a recent thing.

But - he is always a PRICK when he's with her. Example - I called him this morning to talk about our DD1 (who has no relationship with him but we needed to discuss a school thing) and he spoke to me like shit and started getting all personal and nasty. Because she was there at his house. But on Saturday when he picked up DD2 for the day he was all sweetness and light and couldn't chat enough.

Why do they do this? It's infuriating! 😡

Its probably to make the OW feel better about herself. Don't forget he cheated on you with her, whats to stop him doing the same now he's with her?

However that said he needs to know that its not okay for him to behave like that.

@Itsybitsydooda

Its probably to make the OW feel better about herself. Don't forget he cheated on you with her, whats to stop him doing the same now he's with her?

However that said he needs to know that its not okay for him to behave like that.

You're right. It's just such a headmess when they change personality at the drop of a hat.

It's willy waving. Showing her what a manly man he is. Says as much about her as him if she is impressed by cockwombling behaviour...

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

It's willy waving. Showing her what a manly man he is. Says as much about her as him if she is impressed by cockwombling behaviour...

I've never heard that phrase before but it's hilarious! And spot on. X

This is exact same as my situation.

ExH on his own at face to face pick ups is so civil and polite. If his DP is there he either won't even make eye contact or be really rude.

I really struggle being made to look like the bad one when they're the ones who had an affair behind my back when I was pregnant then throughout the 1st year of DCs life. I knew the OW for years before so she knew exactly what she was doing.

Anyway, I've moved on, happier than ever, zero interest in exH (other than co-parenting). Yet the OW cannot stand me??! Surely that's a bit rich after shagging my H for a year? I'm not bitter and while I'm not over the moon about her being in DCs life ive not caused any issues and been nothing but civil.

So why does she hate me?? And why does eXH walk on eggshells around her? It's like he's so under the thumb he's not even allowed to look at me or say the word 'hello' (which in any case is only for DCs benefit so they don't pick up on any animosity 🤷🏻‍♀️

@kiddo5467 I'm so sorry you're going through the same. The OW in my situation has been harassing me ever since their affair was found out. She's phoned me, emailed me details and photos of what they're doing, turned up at my house etc. Yet when I tell my ex he says I'm making it up, have a tracker on his car and am following him because he'd rather believe that than the woman he led this family for is mental. He even refuses to believe that the police have spoken to her.

I've no idea what goes through their heads. Like you I've really struggled with being painted as the bad person when I've been really civil throughout which hasn't been easy because I'm naturally a feisty person but I've been civil for the sake of our daughters. Counselling really helped me to realise it's not my fault and I'm not the bad person. But on tough days I find myself slipping back into self blame.

I hope you're ok.

In the same boat here - am dealing with a narc ex and I suspect she is something nasty too. Whenever I stand up to them to ask them to contribute to kids activities etc I am told I am aggressive and bitter. Everything about the kids becomes 'a thing' and a simple request about maths coaching quickly degenerates into my being told that I am aggressive and need to behave in a civil manner before they will respond. This is after she shagged my ex for a year beforehand - sometimes when my kids were asleep upstairs!

I think the worse they behaved, the worse they treat you to try and divert the attention away from them - it's projection.... and utterly tedious