Today I settled my divorce at FDR

[HosannainExcelSheets]

That's it really. After 2.5 years of stalemate and fruitless mediation, I finally agreed a financial settlement with my ex.

I'm so relieved. Much less emotional than I thought I'd be, I'm neither happy nor sad.

The settlement is better than I expected, and much better than what I was willing to accept to just get this over with for good.

For anyone out there still going through the process, hang in there. It will end.

Well done. I remember the relief when mine was settled as well.

To this day I get anxiety attacks when I think of having to go to court. It’s a really traumatic process especially when one party is trying to be as obstructive as possible.

Onwards and upwards 🙂

You are fab. An amazing resilient woman.

Well done for hanging in there @HosannainExcelSheets. The process can be draining, to put it lightly. I'm glad to hear that you walked away with better than you expected.

Best wishes for the future ahead.

@HosannainExcelSheets huge congrats! Must feel quite surreal. I'm two years in - similar obstructive ex and shortly due in court for first hearing. Curious how things panned out for you? Did the judge at the FDR give a view that made your ex change his outlook/ offer? I worry we'll get to FDR and my ex will still be entrenched....

Congratulations! I have mine in a few weeks. Was it virtual? Any tips! Thanks

Congratulations. I'm in the midst of it too. Court in the Autumn. I have my head down walking into that head wind and hoping it will eventually end.
Any tips gratefully received x

Thanks! Yes, it was virtual.

My case was relatively complicated because I'm higher earner on paper, but ex is self employed. Teen DC live with me by choice. I knew I'd be paying my ex, but was trying to agree a way to keep the family home in my name only. I got that, and kept my pension too. No savings left at all, and I'll be working until at least 70 to try to build that back up, but then won't be all?

My tips would be to keep your eye on the goals you want (in my case house, and getting divorced). Be willing to compromise. Be realistic and get your solicitor/barrister to give you Frank advice on a good/mid/bad expected outcome. Decide what you can live with and what you can't, and then stick to your guns.

Try to leave your emotions out of it at the actual hearing, so you don't let them cloud your judgement on the day because you will have to decide on negotiations and offers on the day. And trust your legal advisors to do a good job for you.

Congrats Hosanna Can I ask, what's FDR? I'm in the middle of an excruciatingly slow divorce, just done exchange of form E.

Well done you

You must be exhausted after all of that x

@GreenTeaPingPong it's the financial dispute resolution hearing. It was my second hearing, we had a first direction appointment to resolve issues with Form E and file questionnaires. Then everything got resolved at the second hearing. But it was excruciating and slow. And expensive.

Can I ask how much it cost HosannainExcelSheets?

That's great news @HosannainExcelSheets - well done for hanging on in there.

Congratulations - I can remember only feeling relief when mine was settled.

My stbexh has now decided to breach the consent order - he was supposed to transfer ownership of the house to me and hasn’t. So it looks like back to court we go

@chocolatealldaylong

Congratulations! I have mine in a few weeks. Was it virtual? Any tips! Thanks

A tip I picked up here was to use a post it note to block out pic on screen of OH...

I think I'd have struggled massively at FDA being in the same room as him. Being on screen and removed from the same space made it easier.

Post it notes at the ready for FDR.

@intor

Can I ask how much it cost HosannainExcelSheets?

It's so dependent on facts and cost of your advisors. My costs were about 2/3 of exH. I did as much paperwork as I could myself, and was open about containing costs. I did employ an expensive solicitor/barrister though because of issues with ex being self-employed.

All in, about £25k but I saved 5x that in getting a better settlement by not accepting ex's offer (which I'd have done if I was on my own).

Congratulations! I'm glad it has come to a positive resolution for you. Onwards and upwards.

Thanks for posting this. I needed to see this today! I've got a court date not too far away and I don't even know what outcome to expect.