How to move forward??

[thebeachismyhappyplace2]

Feeling a bit lost. My marriage is well and truly over, has been for ages tbh but been hanging onto it and living my life in limbo as didn’t want to face the reality and upheaval of a divorce with having to sell house, financial worries, the thought of not seeing my kids everyday etc etc

DH not into me either and we’ve been sleeping in separate rooms for over a year.
We are done and I checked out emotionally a couple of years ago due to his verbal abuse towards me. I can’t bare doing stuff together as a family anymore or with our group of friends that we share as its mentally and emotionally exhausting trying to pretend everything is ok, and doesn’t help when you are surrounded by happy couples.

I cannot do this anymore, it’s soul destroying and feel like it’s effecting my mental health and confidence.

After being a SAHM for 10 years where I used to have a well paid job (mainly needed to be around especially for my eldest who has autism), I’m now struggling to find a decent job which would enable me to have the independence to leave. With the equity in our house split 50/50, it would enable me to have a good start to put down a deposit on a house but would still need a big mortgage to be able to afford anything. I have been trying so hard to get a job but it seems to be so tough out there right now and the interviews I’m getting aren’t getting me the job. Never been great at selling myself in interviews and I’m up against people with more recent experience.

Obviously I will keep trying and also been doing some online courses to brush up on technical skills but I’ve realised I can’t put my life on hold any longer just because I don’t have career back on track yet.

The house is in my name and I’m wondering if once I’ve had that chat with DH and if he agrees, we can put house on the market and go into separate rented until financial settlement by solicitor/mediator (not sure yet which?) is sorted. Or do we have to have financial settlement in place before we sell the house? My plan would then be to hopefully get job sorted whilst in rental and then be able to get a mortgage and buy somewhere.

Really need to move forward with my life. Sorry this is so long! Would really appreciate some advice. What would you do in my situation? Thanks for reading!

Anyone? I just need to know can I sell the house before the financial settlement has been sorted by divorce solicitor?

Bumping for you.

If your DH is abusive I certainly wouldn't be offering a 50/50 split. I went through a similar situation some years ago and I just decided I couldn't cope one day longer. Is the house paid for? If so I would be asking him to leave until you sell and split the equity. If he becomes abusive do not hesitate to call the police. Good luck job hunting and onward and upwards for a better life OP

Think of the house is sold the money has to be held by a solicitor until the financial settlement is agreed - might be wrong though

Seeleyboo - he’s not really abusive anymore as I don’t engage with him too much, generally minimum talk about kids etc and I sit in my room most nights doing my own thing, he has said some vile things in the past which for me there is no going back after his behaviour. It is toxic though and I want out. There is absolutely no way he will move out, if only it was that simple. The house is in my name though so I could sell it, but just want to do things in the right way so I don’t lose out financially as I can’t afford to. We are married so he would be entitled to 50/50 although he is working and has higher earning potential than I ever will so I might be entitled to a bit more equity.

Seek legal advice. I'm sure this is on your to do list. Look at what benefits you might be entitled too. How old is your eldest. Does he get DLA. Start sorting the house out ready to sell. Declutter etc.

Gather good support around you. And know you are on the path to a happier life.

The house, while in your name, is a marital asset. He can put a charge in the property which prevents you selling

He’s not entitled to 50%. He’s entitled to a fair share - that may be more or less than 50%. Your individual circumstances will help determine the ultimate % split of assets.

As a sahm with primary care of children and lower earnings it’s likely you would be awarded more than 50% as it’s based on needs. Housing the children takes priority.

You also need to consider pensions if there are any

This is why you need a solicitor

Selling and moving out to rent is the wrong thing for you. Generally but more importantly because you don’t have a job.

It will make it harder to find anywhere to rent and after a time you will be expected to use your capital before you get benefits.

See a solicitor and get advice on securing an occupation order for you and the children. Then start looking for a job. If you prevaricate long enough you should be in situ for a couple of year. That way you can get a job, a mortgage and then sell up.