Spousal Maintenance from child carer to ex?

[Charismac]

My exDH has just informed me that he has sought advice and I will need to pay him spousal maintenance. He had to leave because he attacked our 13yo son. Social Services were involved and it was suggested that he was coercive and controlling during our 23 year marriage. He earns minimum wage and can't afford to contribute towards our 2 children. I earn roughly double his annual income but I work longer hours to achieve that. Our disposable incomes are not massively different but I have to fully support the children. Please someone tell me he can't do this? I gave up everything to look after him, worked part-time whilst the children were younger and have now just forged myself a career after studying hard to get a degree whilst working and caring. I'm currently off sick struggling with mental health and could really do without this worry on top. 😪

Speak to a lawyer

He is talking shit. Laugh in his face and tell him you’ll see him in court.

It is really hard when you come out of a controlling relationship - my ex managed to nearly convince me that when he reversed into a skip outside my house it was my fault, even though I was inside the house at the time.

We are all very happy to help you get your feet back on to steady ground.

He will have to pay you child maintenance. Affordability is not relevant- it’s based on % of earnings

Regarding spousal it seems unlikely but you’ll need a split to help you work out share of assets - housing children takes priority over everything and as a single working adult he will need to maximise his own earnings

He’s having you on

Thank you. I will look into lawyers etc but you all seem pretty sure so I can at least reduce the high alert anxiety level for now! I'm wondering if I should just get on with a divorce and get this settled. I'm just coming round to the idea that this is going to be permanent.

He is expected to contribute to the children even on minimum wage, if he is not forth coming go to the CMS. Even on benefits they need to contribute £7 per week.
I suspect he brought up spousal maintenance to stop you pushing for Child maintenance.
Push on with a divorce, finances are to do with needs, if the children are with you your needs are greater than his so the pot will be sliced more in your favour.

Spousal maintenance these days tends to happen only if the earnings disparity between partners is massive, so him on NMW and you on a little more than that isn't in the ballpark. He will have to pay you maintenance for the kids, that's it. Get a good solicitor and don't take any shit from him.

Any assets you have will be divided and that will include your pension if you have one, but if you are going to be the RP, then it is likely to be weighted in your favour.

Your ex is having you on. I bet the ‘advice’ has been from one of his pals that can’t believe the audacity of the expectation that he should contribute to his children’s upbringing. Please, get the CMS to make him pay and don’t give his nonsense another thought. Spousal maintenance is very rare in this country and would never be ruled in your situation. Even if it was he ether won’t have the money, or would be willing to pay the eye watering bills such legal action would cost.

Spousal maintenance isn’t affected by who has the children and whether it’s joint or sole custody but from what you describe, I can’t see how he thinks he will be granted it.

Let him take you to court. You may well qualify for Legal Aid in your circumstances, ask your local Citizens Advice for help. He doesn’t stand a chance!

Thanks for all the advice. I haven't done anything about it today cos today's shit drop was that I may lose my job. The hits just keep coming! But at least that takes any ideas of spousal maintenance off the table! (Got to laugh - cried too much already). I will look into Legal Aid and divorce in general. Time to start a new chapter.