I don't really know where to start.
My parents have been married for almost 30 years. They have 2 children, both sadly with a disability. I have a physical disability but lead a relatively normal life, and my sibling has a "normal" body but is developmentally delayed and probably has Asperger's.
They are immigrants in England, they left their country to have a better chance at life. I lived with my grandparents until I was 7/8 and then I was brought here as well to live with basically strangers. I think this has had all kinds of effect on me.
I think when we were growing up they blamed each other for the stresses of life and having disabled kids. There is a lot of religion and superstition in the mix. I don't think either of them were mature enough to handle having children, never mind children with additional needs.
My father was also physically abusive to my mother. He hit me once and I called the police but my mum wouldn't 'allow' me to call the police when he left her black and blue. He also had a drinking problem and would often come home at 2am and be screaming and shouting and breaking things.
I think she tried to leave him once but backed out at the last minute and at the time I was a furious teen.
2 years ago my dad said he was "leaving" my mum but she's refusing to accept that, or sell the home, and he's refusing to move out.
They're both disturbingly stubborn. He's taken over the master bedroom to himself and she's been sleeping on the sofa for 2 years. She will occasionally call me to say he's verbally abusive, bullying her etc but I can't help her. I live 2 hours away and I offered to have her stay here. She refused. I don't know what to do. It's so incredibly distressing.
In the past 2 years she's been "told" a lot of disturbing things about him, like he had women (possibly prostitutes) at the family home when my mum took us kids back to the home country for school holidays and that he has a child with another woman.
The latest development is that his brother has turned up and is staying with them for a week. God knows where he's sleeping as there isn't the space.
I feel like a terrible person because I can't help her and she's so isolated and clearly ground down by years of this shit. I never ask for details of what is happening because she ignores my advice to just sell the home and move on. She laments that life should have been different, but, it's not, and I'm sorry to say that I ran out of patience years ago. When I see her name pop up with a call or a text message my stomach drops and I feel a sick revulsion.
I've advised her to talk to a solicitor, a DV helpline, etc... This all falls on deaf ears. She seems to just call me to talk about the hell she is living in and it's utterly draining to hear the same stories over and over again. Sometimes I hope that my father just gets hit by a car. Or moves out to live with that mistress he apparently has a kid with.