How do you separate when you can't afford to live

[Pollywollydoodah]

Mid 50s. No mortgage, renters. No savings, always been low income. Children grown and flown. I work part time in a menial job at pennies above minimum wage. I used to get a reasonable number of hours but since covid these have been drastically cut and no indication they'll return in the foreseeable future. I'm trying to find a better job but getting nowhere. It's becoming very clear to me that my DH feels only contempt for me since I've been struggling so much post menopause with various things and I am beginning to feel I'll be less lonely on my own - but I don't know how I could make that happen. Not everyone here can be a high flier, has anyone any advice for an ordinary soul like me?

I really have no idea, but it may make sense to try to find out if you would be eligible for some support at entitledto.org.Uk. (It may be entitledto.co.Uk, if that doesn’t work)

With the children off doing their own thing, can you relocate to somewhere that has better employment prospects or a lower cost of living?

Do you have family or friends who could help you out with a bed whilst you get yourself sorted - even if it means moving.You could look for live in type work - housekeeper/carer type stuff. If you have a low hours job you could have more than one job.

What kind of work are you doing at the moment?

Live in housekeeper work would be amazing for you Op! Try to look at it that you actually have an advantage having nothing if you want to leave him, no baggage! Get The Lady Magazine and look for positions. It’s not like the Victorian age, you won’t be worked from dawn til dusk with half a day off on a Sunday (if you are, call the police!!).
Definitely don’t stay with your husband if he treats you with contempt.

Can you put your name down for some local authority housing? Or you could possibly look at renting a room to begin with with a nice landlady.lots of people rent a room.i think there are a lot of websites advertising people who are renting out rooms. It will give you breathing space away from your awful ex and would be nowhere near the cost of renting a house. You could also look at the housesitters website. Some people look for others to house sit for them short or long term if they are abroad for periods and have animals etc. Don't stay with someone who has nothing but contempt for you....

@Pollywollydoodah I hope posting so early means you live abroad or do shift work, not that you are awake and stressing over this? I know something of how you feel- husband got us into substantial debt. I too am in my 50s with two young children and little likelihood of a decent mortgage going forward. It's frightening and means a future very different to the one you might have pictured. A pp suggests a live-in post; a random thought perhaps, but boarding schools have matron live-in posts which make you part of a community which can feel so supported and needed. There must be many similar things around. Offering a hand hold here if nothing else as I feel your loneliness and worry.

Universal credit OP.

Also, you'd be entitled to sheltered housing.

Definitely look for live in work if you can OP. One of the jobs I was happiest in was a live in job! Do you have any hobbies/interests even vague interests that might just mean live in work? Definitely worth looking into given your situation.

I sympathise with you. A lot of people struggle in your situation. Unfortunately you are a single person and that means you don’t qualify for much by way of state support. Either in terms of UC or housing.

Looking to move to areas with lower housing costs and more available public housing is an option. But these tend to be areas with less job and career opportunities. If you can secure a job on places like this then life can be affordable.

One of the reasons I dislike the easily trotted out advice to get “married for protection” is that it assumes the marriage will result in an owned home and a spouse with a high income. Plenty don’t and as a result are trapped.

Totally look at "the lady" magazine for a live in position x

@user77hjjy

Universal credit OP.

Also, you'd be entitled to sheltered housing.

What?? Why would OP be entitled to sheltered housing??

Over 55 often get access to social housing even in areas where there are long waiting lists for younger people/families

Speak to your Council Housing office and apply to be on the register. Then do an online benefits check - assume your current income and put in what an average one bed flat costs to rent in your area. This will give you a ballpark as to what you are entitled to.

The problem with previous suggestions of moving to another area is that “local connection” is a factor when assessing housing priority so it can actually work against you if social housing is the only realistic option for you.

If your not in London -Southeast definitely apply for Social Housing as your over 55
My DH friend just got a really nice 1bed flat he’s 57
My friends ex boyfriend got a direct offer Of a 1 bed flat from a HA even though he can’t bid yet he went on the list in Feb to apply and was offered directly
If you have any health problems that helps as well with your application

I’m in the southwest and if your over 55 it’s reasonably easy to get a place within 6 months - 1 year most get one within 3 months
You can also do a homeless at home application
That’s what both of these people did
Good luck

I second the idea of live in work. There are also schemes where you can live with someone who needs some support such as help with shopping and cleaning and you pay a nominal rent. That would give you chance to save up and take the pressure off.
Also look to see what benefits you might be entitled to.
Whatever happens you mustn’t stay a minute longer with someone who treats you with contempt, life is far too short.

We're in the southeast and round here there is a good supply of council/HA retirement/sheltered property available.

There are always vacancies in care work and hospitality too.