Thinking of separating with 4 children - how do you do it

[Confusedwife85]

Anyone who has left a marriage with children, how have you done it? I'm not sure if its something I want to do yet but im a planner and knowing what to do helps me think clearer about the situation im in.

Married with 4 children. Not the worlds best husband/Dad, confirmed he had cheated on me quite a bit throughout our 12 year relationship last year. Tried to work through things and we have periods of being ok, then I remember whats happened and end up feeling as I do now. I know I'll end up leaving but I feel I need to pick my time logically. Youngest is 2, oldest is 9, I'll have 3 in school from September. Financially I work for the family busines so once we split that will disappear. We rent which I suppose is one blessing.

I've been looking at jobs but I have no idea how I'd logistically work 3 in school and 1 in nursery and whether that would be Financially viable. Maybe I need to look at Universal Credits for a start 🤷‍♀️

Anyone who is or has been in the situation, I'd appreciate any words of advice.

Packing bags and leaving in a hurry isn't what I want to do, I need to plan both mentally and financially.

Do you know what your husband earns? What assets do you have? What your earning capability is? What do you plan re child access? How many nights etc will they stay with each if you ?
These are the sorts of things you are going to need to understand and think about so you can start to understand what money you’ll have and also what childcare patterns will be

Gather all your financial income - what he pays himself, what the business is worth (ie what is the turnover and profit for last 3 years), pensions, savings debts, etc. Do this w/out taking to DH so he can’t start hiding money.

Make an appointment with solicitor. They will give you an idea about money. From there you can work out what you can pay in rent and where you can afford to live that is close to a decent school. UC - yes. Also you get some free nursery hours from 3 so figure out if you can work in this time - or if it simply isn’t worth it can you do some training so you are in better shape to earn once all kids are in school.

It’s important to think about the long term future so you can work on your long term financial stability.

Can you start planning to work elsewhere or even better, get a job outside the family business now?