No blame divorce, worth waiting for?

[Fitzroygurl10087]

Hi everyone,

I'm planning on divorcing my husband of 10 years, I've recently realised that his behaviour is abnormal and after reading some posts on here (thank you!)I suspect he is a covert narcissist.

I would like to divorce him ASAP as living together is becoming unbearable, but I believe he will contest me.

I have read that there is a new law coming where there is no blame apportioned to either party and the divorce can't be contested.

Does anyone know anything more about this? Online it says it will start in the Autumn, but that's a long way when you have made the decision to divorce and I don't know if it's worth the wait!
Any advice or info will be gladly received. Thanks so much xx

hi @Fitzroygurl10087
I have no direct advice as I'm kind of in the same position. I asked him to leave 3 months ago and he did, now i'm a bit in limbo as I think i know what i want but now i'm stalling until the Autumn when the new law comes in (fingers crossed).
I have spoken to a friend (solicitor, not family law though) and they said that the divorce bit may be easier and quicker as no blame/contesting etc, but if there are other issues to be resolved like kids & house and you can't come to an agreement between you it can still be protracted, expensive and ugly.

Hope your ok xx

I'm not entirely sure but my understanding was that the new divorce law is for couples who agree to divorce amicably but don't want to apportion blame.

I'm not sure that it means it can't be contested? Or if it did it would be because both parties have to apply together

Thank you gir posting this OP!
Sorry you are in this situation. I am also wondering the same thing as although I have grounds to issue unreasonable behaviour I would prefer to avoid that as he will want to contest those things and would be pointless waste of time snd money.

Thanks @ItsAllKindaWeird , that's good that he left, wish mine would, getting to the point where I can't stand the sight of him! I think that's right that the actual divorce would be easier but as you say, al the other difficulties remain

Thank you @justchecking1 I believe so, although I don't think that both parties have to be amicable, but that the divorce can be for any reason? Supposed to make it more feelingly but....!

Exactly @TeddingtonTrashbag ! That's my same situation. I am tempted to file citing unreasonable behaviour but think he may contest. But Autumn is such a long way away! Is your stbxh still living with you?

Yes am living in same house. Is a large house snd we live separate lives (separate bedrooms) ans have separate cars/finances etc

Thank you all. I don't think I can cope being married to this man for potentially another year. I think I will take my chances and file under unreasonable behaviour. I guess if he contests then j can refile under the new law (as it will surely be Oct by then). I will have lost £550 but reckon that's worth it xxx

I understand why you would think that, but under the current law you have to have lived separately for 2 years (please someone correct me if i'm wrong), even if they don't contest what you detail in the "unreasonable behaviour" bit. If you press that button now, what will happen? Would he leave? or would he just be a total arsehole for the next 5/6 months? (more than he is currently) and for what gain?
Are you in a position to leave yourself?

That's true @ItsAllKindaWeird , most likely is that he will be increasingly difficult. But I suppose I am holding onto the small chance that once he sees that divorce is unavoidable, he may realise the the outcome will be the same so there is no point in battling.

I could leave , but I am reluctant to uproot our children

Not sure where Itsallkindaweird got their facts from but we divorced whilst living under the same roof in 10 months in unreasonable behaviour.

The bigger question is why you think they will contest the divorce rather than accept it based on what you have told us? Living separately in the same house is fairly convincing proof

I stand corrected - i'm no expert!
Quick gooogle and I think i got it mixed up with one of the reasons for divorce is that you've been separated for 2 years. (long week!)
@wobytide - kudos to living under the same roof for 10 months, i can't imagine how difficult that would be.

Thanks @wobytide . How did you come to an agreement about the housing arrangement for you both?

I think he will contend just to be awkward. He really wants to stay in the family home.

They said Autumn 2021 but I've seen no sign of that happening, and I suspect it will get shoved back to 2022.

Petition fee rises to £590 (iirc) in September.

I am generally advising clients not to wait. Parliament enacted no fault divorce in 1996, it was never implemented, and eventually it was repealed

My actual divorce was the easy bit. Sorting out the finances was the hard and expensive bit.

What @GentlemanJay said - it sounds as if you have a lot of work to do sorting out finances. I’d suggest just focussing on separating and coming to a financial settlement, you can get divorced later on. Autumn is only a few months away, it will be here before you know it.