Should I fight him or give in?

[SweetLoving54]

My ex husband is a narcissist. I'm certain of it and has been proven even more since I seperated from him.
We have a 2 year old.
We have a joint mortgage.
Together 10 years, married nearly 4.
He financially, and psychologically abused me for years. Grinding me down till I gave in to everything he wanted.
He is now refusing to play ball with the financial side of our divorce.
He told me for years since having our son and I gave up full time work (still worked part time and contributed my money to supporting our everyday needs) that because I haven't worked full time and haven't physical paid into the joint account to pay the bills that I'm not worth anything.

He wants me to walk away with less then him.
He refused to move out during our seperation leaving me to rent on temporary UC until we sell the property and I can get some money back. Then I won't be entitled to any benefits cos even though it's nowhere near enough for me to get another mortgage and I can only work part time because I care primarily for our son, it's over the 16k threshold.
He's offered me 50% equity of the house.
Plus an extra £3k which is what my parents contributed towards our original deposit.
Plus whatever money is left in our joint account which could be as little as £5k when this Is all over.

He will have 50% equity but minus £3k which I will have.
Plus he has in excess of £10k in his personal account and a private pension worth atleast £20k (probably more now)

I've requested that instead of what's left in the joint account, could I have a lump sum on £7k instead and I will walk away. He is even refusing that. Probably because he cannot handle me getting what I have asked for. He is fighting me all the way.

I'm so scared of what he is capable off. He always has something up his sleeve telling me things like j can't touch his pension cos he transferred it to our son and because I chose to leave him and that he is going to buy a car with the £10k in his bank so j can't touch it.
My car is only worth £3k now and needs alot of work on it.
He has a company van he uses all week.

What do I do?
I didn't want to go down the solicitor route but I can't bare this any longer

Fight for your's and your child's future, do not give in to this bully. You are stronger than you think.

Get a solicitor, fight for your son, if you have no fight for yourself.
I know it's hard, but don't listen to him, just a solicitor.
Does he pay maintenance and is access sorted through the courts?
He sounds hard work, you are far better off.
Don't make the mistake of still listening to him, just contact about your son, leave the rest to your solicitor.

I agree, fight for it. Read, research about your rights, talk to solicitors and plan.

My soon to be ex is similar - not on the financial side but overall is controlling and a bully. Scared me for a long time, it has been a long painful process but men like this feed off your fear, he probably thinks you won't fight back but you are stronger than you think.

Fight. Because he's going to be a shit regardless so you might as well have him being a shit plus money.

Omg please please get a good solicitor to put this twat in his place! Do not settle for the pennies he offers. If he buys a car now that would come out of his portion of the settlement, not yours! The car would still count towards the overall total.

I know how you feel as it's a nightmare. When your life has been about keeping the sweet and not provoking them it's so hard to stand up for yourself. But you are fighting for a better life for your boy. Good luck xx

Fight him
Ask women’s aid for help. There is support out there.
Don’t engage with him other than to say what you are entitled to (work this out it definitely includes half the pension) and then tell him the perhaps the court needs to decide. Half all assets belong to you as a absolute minimum. Best wishes, I know it’s tough

Dear OP, I totally understand you and am in a similar situation, my STBX is also type of a narcissist, controlling, selfish, emotionally and financially abused me since the day one of our marriage. I finally decided to leave him. We do not have much, do not own a house and all we have is a bit of a savings, so would like to do this on cheap. However, he is already being difficult. Does not want to give financial disclosure to me and claims it is not "fair" that he shares his savings with me. I suggested mediators, he refused, and keeps insisting we do this by ourselves. I am getting a filling that he has much more saved away than I though and he told me. I obviously would like to keep as much of the money as possible but feel more and more that I should hire a lawyer and let him/her deal with him.

The amounts you are talking about are not large compared to solicitor bills. Please think carefully before you do go down that route.

What's the difference between what you're asking for and what he's offering? Is it actually worth it to pay a solicitor to try to get more in the settlement or will you end up with less after paying out for legal bills?

As a guide, my narcissistic exH has spent close to £20k already on legal bills and we haven't even had the court hearing yet.

Count you file the court forms yourself, and represent yourself. Or try a direct access barrister? It's much cheaper.