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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Rekindling our marriage and doubts

1 reply

Jellyfish18 · 13/05/2021 08:13

I separated from DH in January on a trial period and we're now at a point where we want to rekindle our marriage.
I ought to put this in Relationships but DH lurks there, hence putting it here. Also, I think I get more balanced responses on this forum to be honest.

We went to a restaurant last night and I'd pondered over discussion topics as I didn't want it to be too intense, discussing our relationship in depth etc.
But, I was met with a drone of gossip about his work colleagues and one of his close friends. How his close friend seems to spend money carelessly and what he's buying next and how many holidays he's booked. Then a lot of talk about a colleague he suspects is autistic and the things he does and inappropriate things he says. A client he'd had a difficult conversation with... etc.
I'd made a conscious effort not to talk about DCs too much but was relieved when conversation changed to them. I felt incredibly bored at times, but also too tired out to try and initiate other conversation. Although, I did try. I talked about an upcoming holiday, but DH was soon on to something else as soon as I initiated it. I slipped off to the loo quite a few times. On reflection I'm also a little put out that he didn't really ask about me, how I was finding things on my own as a working single mum. He asked me one question "how is your mum?" But that's it.
He's not malicious, just boring and he avoids talking about the obvious. Maybe it's me and I'm expecting too much? I just wasn't particularly engaged by him at all.

What's worse is that he had a really brilliant time and I've had some lovely messages from him this morning. I just feel really sad that the date didn't really live up to my expectations.

Are my expectations too high?

OP posts:
coronabeer · 13/05/2021 09:16

I don't think your expectations are too high. Maybe your dh is uncomfortable talking about emotional stuff or anything that reminds him you are separated. Maybe he's just a bit self-absorbed.
I've never tried relationship counselling myself, but maybe that's something to consider? Is it just a case of awkwardness, your dh not knowing what to say - or is it a sign of emotional distance? Can you get close again? Do you want to? Hopefully, seeing a relationship counsellor will help you both sort your feelings out.

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