Husband not paying his share

[Sova]

I'm currently going through a divorce but husband and will be buying my husband out. Even though I showed him how much money I spend monthly on mortgage, bills, food, children etc he only gives me a very low amount monthly. He is still living with us but he doesn't feel that he needs to contribute an equal amount to running if the house and doesn't feel that he needs to do any chores either. He was not as bad in the past but I feel he is now punishing me for wanting a divorce. I'm feeling so helpless and annoyed!
He is also procrastinating on signing the divorce papers and is just quite nasty.
I don't think that there is anything I can do really as it needs to be all amicable if I want to get the outcome that we agreed on. What a nightmare

Anyone has any advice or been in a similar position?

No sorry hut sounds very tough and hope you get through it all ok!

If he's dragging his heels unfortunately that's indicative that he could continue to drag things out for as long as he feels like it - while you tip toe around desperately trying to keep things amicable.
My advice is get the finances sorted as well as you possibly can but stop trying to be amicable. Ultimately a long drawn out divorce doesn't do anyone any favours and the resentment will build up and you'll end up the opposite of amicable anyway.

I lived in the marital home while we divorced too - 3 years ago and I regret it - I wish I'd moved out.

When exH and I split, he was buying me out. I couldn't afford to leave and rent, and he refused to.

Our finances previously were all into one pot, all expenses paid, set amount each for personal spending, the rest to savings. He earnt significantly more than me at the time (I had done the bulk of the childcare and all the housework), and when it came time to split finances, he wanted me to pay 50% of everything, whilst still doing more of the childcare, and all of the housework, leaving me with nothing left over.

He got a bit nasty about it, so I handed it off to my solicitor, and we got an interim agreement where we both had to continue paying the same equivalent percentage we had been.

Would this be possible for you? Has he never contributed much, or was he paying more before?

@MangoBiscuit

When exH and I split, he was buying me out. I couldn't afford to leave and rent, and he refused to.

Our finances previously were all into one pot, all expenses paid, set amount each for personal spending, the rest to savings. He earnt significantly more than me at the time (I had done the bulk of the childcare and all the housework), and when it came time to split finances, he wanted me to pay 50% of everything, whilst still doing more of the childcare, and all of the housework, leaving me with nothing left over.

He got a bit nasty about it, so I handed it off to my solicitor, and we got an interim agreement where we both had to continue paying the same equivalent percentage we had been.

Would this be possible for you? Has he never contributed much, or was he paying more before?

Ooo this sounds interesting! Did you have to pay for the interim agreement? I'll have a look into this thank you.

@Whyareblokesonhere

No sorry hut sounds very tough and hope you get through it all ok!

Thank you 🙏

@Iamthrough

If he's dragging his heels unfortunately that's indicative that he could continue to drag things out for as long as he feels like it - while you tip toe around desperately trying to keep things amicable. My advice is get the finances sorted as well as you possibly can but stop trying to be amicable. Ultimately a long drawn out divorce doesn't do anyone any favours and the resentment will build up and you'll end up the opposite of amicable anyway.

I lived in the marital home while we divorced too - 3 years ago and I regret it - I wish I'd moved out.

Thanks! Finally he signed the divorce papers yesterday of course saying he won't defend but disagrees with my allegations. He then said not too expect any child maintenance from him. I explained what is the standard and showed him the calculator. The thing is he gets a lot pay in cash and now not only he wants to have the kids 3 nights a week not two ( only because of the maintenance ), he also is going to try hard to disclose as little income as he can. We were together 15 yrs and things were not always like this but he was always stingy with money so this shouldn't be a surprise. I always had to beg him to add some money to my account for like repairs, kids shoes etc. My solicitor has been instructed to do the financial order next so things are moving but it means he will be still in the house for a while. I was even thinking today to tell him to buy his own food or to give him his own shelves in the kitchen or something but really don't want to be at war and would like us to be friends at some point for the sake of the kids. At the same time I'm not even his partner anymore so why should I be spending my own money on him when he doesn't have the curtesy to do a bit of housework or pay his share of the bills. He gets around £800 a week before tax so he can afford it!

It's not about being friends - if you're separated you need to have separate finances. You can't share food or do his washing or cook for him etc.
You do claim child benefit don't you - in your name? That's really important.

Absolutely give him his own cupboard, stop cooking for him. He's going to be a dick going forward and you owe him nothing. I hope your not doing his laundry!

I think you guys are right. I've really been trying to be friendly but he just came to me and in front of the kids started accusing me that I've taken a pocket of condoms from his jacket!!! Wtf? He thinks it's ok because they don't know what are condoms. I've not taken anything and I was a little surprised he is looking to have sex already when we've only finished couples counselling 2 weeks ago!and he never had time to do anything with me well except for sex so when is he finding time. I've told him that it actually hurts my feelings but he just laughed.
Anyway I've told him to stop harassing me and that he will get his own cupboards and he will be doing his own laundry going forward. I really was hoping it would have not come to that

@PicaK

It's not about being friends - if you're separated you need to have separate finances. You can't share food or do his washing or cook for him etc. You do claim child benefit don't you - in your name? That's really important.

Yes, the child benefit is in my name and I work so that's good. But I'll now have to work more hrs to be able to afford things. I thought maybe I'd have some regrets but so far he is making it easy for me to think it was the right decision so I suppose at least that's good.