Not sure what to do - need to leave husband

[Whatnext66]

Hi all, my marriage has been rocky for sometime but tonight it escalated and I called the police as I felt frightened. I regretted it immediately as I knew they'd come and I didn't want to make things worse but I'm not sure they can get much worse. My baby had woken and wouldn't settle and I desperately needed my husband to try after an hour of screaming but he was still drunk after a night out with friends and took offence when I asked for his help, He wasn't particularly violent although grabbed me at one point and threw a pillow at me but it was more I felt scared by the behaviour. Anyway he hasn't been arrested to my relief as I didn't go into details with the police and I just know it won't help in any way but I need space from him. I am currently in the spare room away from him with our baby but in the morning I would like to ask him to leave for a few days so I can have some space from him to think about the future, and because I have no family nearby, no money (currently on maternity leave) to get away and it would be tricky with all my baby's things and I don't want to unsettle it. I just know he will refuse though and blame everything on me. Is there any way I can get him to go so we don't have to? Thank you. I just really need some time and space to be with my baby and think everything through about where I go from here. Otherwise I think maybe my only option is to confide in my mum and ask to borrow some money for an airbnb for a while but I would rather not do that if I can and my mum has some mental health issues so she wouldn't be able to be much help apart from to loan me a little money. Thank you.

I'm so frightened of being in this mess. I know I have to be strong for my baby and sort this out once and for all but I have nowhere to go and I just know my husband will refuse to leave the home for a few days.

If he refuses to leave phone the police again and they will ask him too. That's my one regret in my situation, I left when he should have.

Thank you @chocolatealldaylong. Can they get him to leave if he hasn't been arrested?

Anyone? Thank you. I can hear him up and I'm not sure how to handle it. I will ask him to go and stay elsewhere for a few days but I think he will laugh in my face.

If you are frightened of him at anytime, or he is violent toward you, however minor you think it is then call the Police. They will come and try to diffuse the situation, speak to both of you to find out what happened. They will most likely take him away to be interviewed, while they speak to you at home. How long they keep him away for depends on how drunk he is and what he says. If he's drunk they'll hold him until he is sober enough to interview. If he incriminates himself in the interview and is charged with an offence against you they will likely ban him from returning home. If there is not enough evidence to charge him, he can return home as you are married and it is the marital home.
If they attend an incident and decide the situation doesnt warrant his arrest they will recommend he goes elsewhere for the night to allow time for things to calm down.

Do not be afraid to call the Police, they are there to help. Also you don't get to decide to 'press charges' the Police do based on the evidence available to them.

But above all else you need to think of yourself and your child. Please think about leaving. Speak to Womens Aid or other domestic abuse support services for advice. The hardest thing is actually leaving, the rest, money, housing etc is more straightforward to figure out, though it may not be ideal. Don't be a barrier to your safety and happiness

If you are worried and he is being intimidating yes I think they can. If would maybe persuade him to anyway!

No of course the police can't throw someone out of their home if they have no grounds to arrest for a suspected offence! This is not a police state!

OP you need to tell the police everything next time, and stop pussyfooting around not wanting him to be arrested. No one can sort this out if you won't help.

Grabbing you and throwing things at you is assault, OP, and it is pretty serious when you have a tiny baby in the mix.

If you can't face taking him on, consider seeking a refuge place.

I'm sorry that I have no advice other than to suggest you call an organisation like Women's Aid. Or try the Citizen's Advice Bureau?
Or do what I did when I was first thinking of leaving stbxh: go to the Resolution website. Go through all the solicitors in your vicinity and see which ones offer a free half hour and then make a few appointments. I saw two whose advice was sufficiently similar that I felt more confident about where I stood with my particular situation and shortly after that I asked dh for a divorce. It hasn't been easy but my main regret has always been not doing something much sooner.