I have made the first step

[Snoopbeef]

I initiated the discussion with my husband and have said I want us to split.

He is remarkable accepting of it all and that makes me think he actually might be relieved.

We have a 10 year old and I am absolutely dreading this part but we have agreed to say nothing initially (I want her to start secondary school in September from our current family home and begin proceedings after that - telling her, telling everyone else, and putting house on market.

My husband has made (to my surprise) an early indication that he is going to be very generous and give me 2/3 equity value of the house to buy a flat near to her school and friends. I am flabbergasted by this thinking it will be a 50/50 split. He earns £40k though and I earn £22k. This would leave him very ittle for himself but he has let us down in the marriage (not working, constantly going off sick and putting us under terrible financial pressure).

I have a very good pension provision and he has nothing though so am I right to be cautious? Just feeling my way through this as I'm clueless.

He may feel less generous after he speaks to a solicitor and has some time to think about it all. You should also speak to a solicitor and focus on getting what you are legally entitled to. If you wind up with more, fine, but don't count on it at this point.

@MissConductUS

He may feel less generous after he speaks to a solicitor and has some time to think about it all. You should also speak to a solicitor and focus on getting what you are legally entitled to. If you wind up with more, fine, but don't count on it at this point.

This. Things can change.

Yes, once you say that you want to end your marriage, all sorts of weird stuff starts to happen. My stbx said he will move out and leave everything in the house to me (we rent), and we will split our joint savings, but we should keep our personal saving. He did not want to share my pension either, nor does he want spousal support (he is currently earning less then me). I knew immediately that he is trying to fool me. He actually has both savings and stock in the amount totally unknown to me.

When I said that he has to give me full financial disclosure and that we should split everything 50/50 he got upset and said, ok if I want "everything", he also wants to share pension and spousal support. He still has not shown me statements of his accounts so I do not know what amount of money we are talking about.

We are not wealthy and cannot afford a lawyer but were we live you can get a mediator who will help with separation agreement, so I suggested that. I agree that you should aim for what you can get by law and if you get more, that is great. But like I said expect everything and trust nothing.

If he has savings and stock he has money and you are entitled to half of anything accrued during the marriage. He doesn't get to set it to the side. That's how marriage works in the eyes of the law and, controlling as he is, this is not something he can argue his way out of.