Seperating and moving with child

adviceneeded2188 · 2021-05-04T10:39:24+00:00

After a few years of soul-searching I think I've come to the conclusion that I no longer enjoy living with or spending time with my partner. I've fallen out of love. We are not married, but we do own our home and have a 2 year old. I'd like to begin the process of separating but would also like to move away, with our daughter, from the area in which we currently live to be closer to my family but I have no idea of the legal implications of this (I know my partner will want to stay where we currently live and probably never move). Where do I stand on this issue? How far away is reasonable? Could my partner potentially block this move? I still want him to see our daughter and wouldn't want to prevent this. But where we are at the moment is unaffordable for me to buy my own place. Plus I don't enjoy living here (it was a compromise when we moved here in the first place!) Thanks for any advice.

millymollymoomoo · 04/05/2021 12:26

Yes he can potentially block you taking your child
How far are you thinking?

If its an hour or so you’d probably be ok. If it’s like 5 hours then you’ll need a really good plan as to why that’s in your child’s best interests to be taken away from their other parent and also come up with a plan on how you intend to facilitate and maintain their contact and relationship if he doesn’t give permission
There are no guarantees this would be permitted although at a young age without established schools etc it might be possible

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 04/05/2021 18:04

Yes he can apply to the courts to stop young it’s far, you will have to try and convince the courts why it’s in the child’s best interest to take him away from his parent and everything he’s ever known so you can be closer to your family. If you did get permission it’s likely you will be responsible for all travel to take the child back for his father and to pick him up as you created the distance.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 04/05/2021 18:08

How would you feel if your partner announced that he wanted a divorce and was moving your child away from you to be closer to his family? Of course he can stop the move. I get your reasons for wanting to move by your family, this shouldn’t come at the expense of you daughter and her father though.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 04/05/2021 18:09

Also is your oh likely to push for 50% contact? This gets awarded a lot nowadays, so depending how far you want to take her, it could make things very awkward.

LemonTT · 04/05/2021 19:30

I really don’t get why an adult thinks their need to be near their family (mum and dad) trumps their children’s right to be near their other parent. Almost everyone I know has made significant sacrifice to ensure their children have access to both parents after the split. That’s in relation to jobs, houses, and relationships, sometimes all three. That’s what you do.

Do you really want a child to spend hours travelling every other weekend to visit their dad. To miss out on parties and hobbies because they need to go to dads. Or to have to make the choice not to go to dads because they want to go to a party. That’s just the start of it.

FelicityPike · 05/05/2021 07:25

@LemonTT

I really don’t get why an adult thinks their need to be near their family (mum and dad) trumps their children’s right to be near their other parent. Almost everyone I know has made significant sacrifice to ensure their children have access to both parents after the split. That’s in relation to jobs, houses, and relationships, sometimes all three. That’s what you do.

Do you really want a child to spend hours travelling every other weekend to visit their dad. To miss out on parties and hobbies because they need to go to dads. Or to have to make the choice not to go to dads because they want to go to a party. That’s just the start of it.

Absolutely spot on. Well said @LemonTT

GentlemanJay · 05/05/2021 07:45

The one thing I was certain of when I moved out of my marriage wax my ex wouldn't do this. Her mother and sister lived up the road and they spent all their time together.

The thought of moving away and not seeing my children throughout the week would break me.

auberJohn · 05/05/2021 11:09

@LemonTT

I really don’t get why an adult thinks their need to be near their family (mum and dad) trumps their children’s right to be near their other parent. Almost everyone I know has made significant sacrifice to ensure their children have access to both parents after the split. That’s in relation to jobs, houses, and relationships, sometimes all three. That’s what you do.

Do you really want a child to spend hours travelling every other weekend to visit their dad. To miss out on parties and hobbies because they need to go to dads. Or to have to make the choice not to go to dads because they want to go to a party. That’s just the start of it.

@LemonTT

THIS!!!! Couldn't have said it better myself!

RedMarauder · 05/05/2021 11:18

@LemonTT

I really don’t get why an adult thinks their need to be near their family (mum and dad) trumps their children’s right to be near their other parent. Almost everyone I know has made significant sacrifice to ensure their children have access to both parents after the split. That’s in relation to jobs, houses, and relationships, sometimes all three. That’s what you do.

Do you really want a child to spend hours travelling every other weekend to visit their dad. To miss out on parties and hobbies because they need to go to dads. Or to have to make the choice not to go to dads because they want to go to a party. That’s just the start of it.

This.

You are leaving their father not your child.

HosannainExcelSheets · 05/05/2021 11:32

@LemonTT has a point, but at some level of your resident parent can't afford to live in the area how is that better for the child than living somewhere cheaper with extended family support and good arrangements to see the NRP. In my case, I'm trapped in an expensive city in a country I'm not from because I married the wrong person. My exH only wants to see the DC to Disney parent EOW and 3 weeks of holiday anyway.

I can see both sides of it, and it really depends how much each parent is involved in the child's life and what commitment not parenting they want to make.

cupoftea2021 · 05/05/2021 11:47

Would he be able to discuss it before you leave or is it on the quiet?
No one knows why or what you are going through so tread carefully on the advise.
Good on you for knowing what you need and want- if he will be upset doesn't mean it can not work and it is both parents job to arrange a suitable arrangement for all of you fitting in with school extra.
I have no idea of Uk rules. I am sure no one can stop you surely.. your living together not joint at the hip
Personally I would seek out a arrangement straight away legally or with the dad.
Children adapt, we have easy ways for children to communicate
Children can compromise for the sake of a happier healthy parents.
In my country the try to do arrangements fairly and the distance and contact can work because you and your child, dad all want contact so it works out eventually.
Starting a fresh is a great idea when you move on to a new area.
Remember the legal world are familiar unlike some in this with there head in the sand.
They make the most of the time together between his job and school.. like everyday families minus the bs relationship between mum/dad

millymollymoomoo · 05/05/2021 16:31

In the U.K. he wouldn’t be able to stop her moving but he absolutely could put in a case to stop her taking their child. Whether that is successful deoends in many factors which we don’t know here
But I do agree with lemon

Pinkpaisley · 05/05/2021 16:42

If I were your STBX I would fight tooth and nail to keep you from moving my child away.

If you legitimately couldn’t afford to live in the area we currently lived, I would also be willing to sit down and have an adult discussion about jointly choosing a new location where we would all relocate.