Maintenance

[Bonkerz]

Ex and I separated in Nov 2019.
Ex moved in with his mum.
Me and 3 children stayed in home.
Mortgage was due to be paid off 2021 so agreement at the time was ex would save to meet the endowment policy short fall rather than pay maintenance whilst I remained with kids in home.
Fast forward to now and ex paid off the mortgage last week

Now we move on to maintenance payments for 2 children.
According to gov website he should pay £385 a month.
I've said that £300 is fine as he still pays building insurance.
He's kicking off saying he can't afford this. He wants to pay £200.
Technically I don't need the money. I work but sometimes we dont have enough to cover the extras so I see this money as for the kids uniforms and holidays etc.

Things have got nasty.
I've told him I want mediation and he's refusing. I'm going to go ahead and arrange.
He's pleading poverty. He earns 27500, lives with mum and has no debt. I'm so confused as to how he can't pay maintenance. He's also saying it should be worked out after tax and insurance and rent and petrol costs!!!!!!!!!!

What do I do?

Go to CMS and save yourself the hassle.

He's using his mental health against me.

Our 15year old has just been through a tough time with him and asked to have a break from seeing him. She dealt with him direct I wasn't involved. This leaves the 9 year old having contact which ex can dictate but chooses 6 hours a week split over 2 days.

I'm trying to avoid it getting nasty and can't work out if I'm being unreasonable seeing as we are in the house which is now mortgage free though so costing him nothing.

CSA. I wouldn't give in to him pleading poverty. Get it done properly

How much did he pay over the last few years . Was the endowment shortfall over 7k
27k he will clear about £1800 a month
No doubt he doesn't want to live with his mum forever .
Presume you got everything in houses he's starting again from scratch .
You need to pay the insurance yourself and just get CMS keep it simple .

The shortfall was £6k.

He paid about £700 in total since Nov 19 to me for things like uniform and shoes and when things got a little tight.

He took everything in the house that he paid for and therefore owned it was me that ended up getting new or second hand to replace.

Whilst he was paying mortgage to keep a roof over the kids head I didn't feel he should pay maintenance so he could also save.

Gov site says £385 so I said I would take over the insurance which is only £26 a month. I felt I was being very reasonable saying £300 a month for both kids.

What would you do in his shoes now? Most people would agree to the £300 and then force the sale of the house.

He would be better off and you would be worse off.

I think its hard for you to remain fully objective about it all but looking at it from the outside you say hes paid off the 7k remaining and has been paying the mortgage on the house - so for the past approx. 18 months you've been able to live rent free and have not had to contribute half the final amount. This has been a very good deal in exchange of maintenance and works out a far better deal.

Sadly when parents separate financially you do end up far worse off. Sell the house and each get your share and start your new life by yourself and claim via CMS. Where he lives/money he has is now none of your concern as is your money to him.

If he owns half the house technically shouldn't you be paying him rent on that?

Just think these are all points you need to consider and take on board as although you feel you're being reasonable he may feel the exact same for the reasons above.

When we split I had a house already to move into.
We were married 17 years. The house is not in my name.
He put in writing that the house was for the children to live in till the youngest finished education. He never wanted the children full time etc so I made the decision to stay for the children.
It was agreed the mortgage (£49 a month) and endowment plus shortfall £220 a month) was to be paid by him instead of maintenance. This worked well. He had the better deal in my eyes. Maintenance would have been £11000 ish since we split remember.

I'm happy to sell and move. He doesn't want to. He said even if I move out he would never move back in and with 2 autistic children plus a 9 year old currently being assessed it was agreed I remain her with the children.

I guess I will carry on to mediation and then the financial stuff can be discussed.

with following info in last post you are being more than reasonable

That's how I see it. I'm not asking for more than gov say he should pay or more than he's been covering with mortgage etc. He's actually just had a pay rise too but won't tell me how much (promoted from deputy to manager but further to travel) so my workings out are still on old salary.

Just realised the split was 2018. Where has the time gone?
Maintenance to now would have been about £11500
He's paid £6k off endowment short fall and the 2 years mortgage @£49 + endowment £126 a month so £5250
Total 11250
So seems we are equal and Technically the maintenance has paid for this house for past 30 months.

I've never really looked properly at the figures.

I think you need to find out if you can afford to buy him out of the house. You will get at least 50% of the value of the house and realistically a lot more whilst your children are still dependents.

Why are you just accepting what he wants. If you can afford to buy the house just do it. At the moment you are still letting him dictate your financial situation.

The best scenario for you is to get a clean financial break and then claim child support. He doesn’t have to like or want that. If you can afford it he will just have to lump it.

No way can I get a mortgage unfortunately. I've been a childminder for 14 years and am a carer for my 2 autistic children. This was how it had to be so he could work and I could take the kids to appointments etc. The house is only worth about 80k (he paid £40k)
He knows I will always put the kids first and they have struggled so much the last 3 years. Now youngest is being assessed for autism too so another disruption like moving now would be horrendous for them all.

I really wish I'd moved when I had the chance but as times gone on it's got harder.

Update..... this morning he has paid In £300

I sent him the price list for the closest mediation service. Could this be why?

I've also completed the divorce forms now.

I'm looking into legal aid for mediation so we can sort finances.