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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Advice for keeping family home after divorce

27 replies

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 10:14

Hi,

I want to divorce my husband, but try and keep the family home by buying him out. Does anyone know where I can get free mortgage advice? We have just bought our first home together (stupidly). I want to try and keep it as we have 2 very young children together. I'm hoping to have them for most of the time and I don't want to have to move all over again after we divorce due to school and pre-school placements etc.

Any advice welcome please!

OP posts:

ChunkyBird · 03/05/2021 10:15

Can you afford the mortgage on your own?

notapizzaeater · 03/05/2021 10:18

Any broker will give you initial advise free. First thing they will check is affordability - can you afford to pay the mortgage ? Would you have to buy him out ?

MuttsNutts · 03/05/2021 10:21

London and Country are excellent. I’ve used them a couple of times. They are totally independent so will scour the whole market for you and are recommended by Moneysavingexpert.com.

www.landc.co.uk/

Good luck with everything.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 10:30

@ChunkyBird If I have financial help like tax credit etc I can afford it on my own. I work full time and I'm also a nursing student, so in 3 years my money will go up.

OP posts:

DinosaurDiana · 03/05/2021 10:34

Speak to your solicitor, I was told that I would get a bigger portion as the courts would want to keep the children together in the family home.
Does he have a private pension ? If so you could do a deal where you don’t touch it if he gives you more of the house.
Have you got your own/ joint accounts ?
Do you work ?
Have you had a discussion yet, does he want the kids 50:50 ?

DPotter · 03/05/2021 10:35

Have you drawn up a budget to work out what you would be able to afford?

I think I'm right in saying that mortgage lenders will not take benefits into account when assessing you for a loan, only earnt income.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 10:40

We haven't spoke about it, but he has an idea about what's going on. He's told me before if we ever split up he will take the children and move to America. I have looked at my budget and it's very close if they don't consider any financial help.

We have our own accounts, no joint accounts just the mortgage that is in both of our names. He makes double my salary, which is the only thing I'm worried about, as I know he will fight to have custody of our children. The only thing in my favour is he is working here on a visa, as he is from a non EU country.

OP posts:

Trumplosttheelection · 03/05/2021 10:41

So usually the two incomes sustaining one home do not split in to two incomes sustaining two homes to the same level.
Where is he going to live? And how do you think you can manage to meet the kids needs full time if you are working And therefore paying childcare and studying as well?

Bluntly do you have to split now? Would be financially better to wait a couple of years, more income and less childcare costs.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 10:45

He can afford to rent if I did end up keeping the house. I have family support that can help and my boss is flexible with hours, so I could come in an hour or so later if my daughter is at preschool etc.

Ideally I need to wait until I'm working as a nurse, so my pay is better, but honestly I don't think I can waste another 3-4 years of my life living in an unhappy marriage biding my time.

OP posts:

LemonTT · 03/05/2021 11:03

@Thatgirlcat

Ideally I need to wait until I'm working as a nurse, so my pay is better, but honestly I don't think I can waste another 3-4 years of my life living in an unhappy marriage biding my time.

Mortgage advice is usually free. But in this case you will have just entered into a product with a lender. They are the people you need to speak to about exit fees or changes before taking on a new deal. In reality they are going to have a big say in whether your plan is affordable or not.

BTW You won’t get to keep the house. All that can happen is you buy him out of his share now or get the courts to agree to defer that for a number of years. You will always have to buy him out. Deferring that is not a good thing because house prices in the UK rise more than wages or the cost of living.

Remember when your income goes up your benefits go down. Being better off might be a long way away. The NHS as employer tries to be child friendly but it often can’t. The culture and processes in clinical teams tends to expect people to be on time and to work core hours around patients.

MuttsNutts · 03/05/2021 12:06

Speak to your solicitor about a Mesher Order. I got one when I divorced my exh - it meant I got to stay in the house with DC until I was in a position to buy his share or moved another partner in or DC reached 18yo.

DinosaurDiana · 03/05/2021 12:13

Do your kids have passports ? If so, hide them. If not, hide their birth certificates.
Do they have dual nationality ?
Tell your solicitor that he has threatened to remove them from this country.

DinosaurDiana · 03/05/2021 12:15

He might fight for custody, it it doesn’t mean he will actually want it. It’s quite likely a threat to keep you with him.
Does he have any family here that would help him ?

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 12:27

@MuttsNutts I saw this when I was researching, is this available in the UK?

And the kids don't have passports yet, but I have all of their documents I might keep them locked somewhere safe though. They do not have dual nationality, they are British citizens and he has no family here. He is an overseas Filipino worker, so he only moved here to work and send money back home, however he will be applying for Indefinite leave to remain soon.

I'm so lost on what to do, I really don't want to sell the house and have to start the renting process all over again, we have moved so many times and the kids are now settled and have school placements. I've done my budget and I'm about £500 short if I was to stay in the marital home, without benefits etc being included.

OP posts:

UpTheJunktion · 03/05/2021 12:36

Is his Indefinite Leave to Remain dependent on being married to a British Citizen?

MuttsNutts · 03/05/2021 12:40

Yes @Thatgirlcat, I’m in the UK. I divorced many years ago now but if you Google search there isn’t anything that says you can’t get them now.

Have you had a free half hour with a family law solicitor? Make a list of questions you want answers to because half an hour goes quickly. Put Mesher Order near the top of the list - if granted it would give you breathing space until you’re earning more and in a position to buy his share.

notapizzaeater · 03/05/2021 12:42

Some lenders will allow benefits to be included in the amount you can borrow. Don't forget you'd get cms as well.

MuttsNutts · 03/05/2021 12:44

And as I suggested earlier, speak to London & Country. When I divorced they found a lender who took tax credits into account - they will search the whole market and try to find a lender who matches your circumstances. At least then you would know what is possible with your current income and if you can’t buy him out yet then you can consider a Mesher Order if the solicitor thinks you could get one.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 13:05

Thanks guys, I feel a bit more prepared. @UpTheJunktion no, I think once you've been on a visa for 6 years you have to apply for ILR. His visa and ILR have no ties with our marriage.

OP posts:

HosannainExcelSheets · 03/05/2021 18:41

There's no point hiding a birth certificate. Anyone can order a copy of any birth certificate from the general register office. If you genuinely think he might abduct your children abroad then you can get a block on them leaving the country with an all port alert. But you'd have to have evidence he was intending to abduct then and go to the police.

Anyone with parental responsibility can get a British passport too, I think. I'm not British and for my country both parents have to approve the application.

Sporranrummager · 03/05/2021 18:52

Mesher Orders are very rarely granted these days. Why should your STBXH be forced to invest what he's already put into the house for many years?
Courts will go for a clean break, which is possible if you can buy him out.
You need to know what the penalties of redeeming your current mortgage so quickly are, and add those costs to your expenses.
And do a budget without child support from him if he decides to go for 50/50.
Tbh I suspect you'll need to sell the house.
There is no 'free 30 minutes of advice' , if a lawyer offers you that grab it and be grateful but certainly don't think you are entitled to it.

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 03/05/2021 19:13

Our house is a new build with 20% equity loan scheme from the government. We only put in a 5% deposit, so it's not like we were saving for years and years. I don't know how it all works in out situation, as it's using a government scheme.

And I don't believe he would actually abduct our children, but I do believe he will fight to have custody of them. I'm only 25, so I have no experience of this stuff and I'm not looking to screw him over. I just want an amicable split, with our children's best interest at heart.

OP posts:

Sporranrummager · 04/05/2021 08:05

@Thatgirlcat you need to look at the paperwork you signed for the equity loan scheme to see how that affects your plans.
The starting point for children is 50/50 so your husband is not going to be getting 100%, in reality many men find 50/50 isn't 'convenient'.
You really need to pay for proper legal advice about your situation before making any decisions.

Pyewackect · 04/05/2021 08:11

[quote Thatgirlcat]@ChunkyBird If I have financial help like tax credit etc I can afford it on my own. I work full time and I'm also a nursing student, so in 3 years my money will go up.[/quote]
How can you work full time and be on the nursing course ?

Original poster

Thatgirlcat · 04/05/2021 08:50

@Pyewackect I'm doing a nursing apprenticeship, which is designed so that people can work their full time hours whilst studying as a nurse and getting paid. I work my normal 37.5 hours and then have 1 day a week as a nursing student.

Thank you for everyone's input, I have contacted a family divorce lawyer and a broker. Hopefully I will get a better understanding.

OP posts:

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