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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Mum and step dad separating

6 replies

mumofthe21stcentury · 01/05/2021 19:56

Hi all

I cannot believe what I'm about to write. Some of you might even think that's it's pathetic.

My mother left me when I was 3, met my stepdad and then remarried. I didn't see her for 10 odd years and met her in my mid teens. My early adulthood I spent much time in counselling as why my mum didn't love me/didn't see me. I have a strange relationship with her. In order to have any relationship with her, I've settled to being her friend. For example, she doesn't give me any mother advice and she doesn't expect my call regularly like she would from my half sister. I call her may be once every 4-6 weeks. She lives in a different country as well. So I see her once every 1-2 years.

Anyway, present times, she's telling me that she's leaving my step dad. I feel so sad and anxious but I don't know why. Who is going to look after her? She can't be alone. My poor half sister is going to have to spend so much time with her and probably cannot live her life at the fullest.

In this situation I have so sympathy to my mother. I see that she's made bad decisions in life and then some of them lead to her divorces. This time she kicked her sister in law out of a flat that my step dad has bought for mother and sister. My mother kicked her out after her mother in law passed away. She did this without talking to my step dad first. This caused a lot of problems in my step family. She just didn't communicate this very well.

I know my mum is a lier and she does things when it's best for her but somehow I still feel sad.

I know I have many issues with my mum. Please can I have some advice on how to cope with separation of my mum and step dad (who's been so good to me).

OP posts:
WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 01/05/2021 20:10

She's leaving your step dad - so it's what she wants and its her choice. Don't feel sorry or worried for her she is living her life exactly as she wants to. Id be feeling more sorry for your step dad who is being left. And there is no reason why you cannot continue a relationship with him as well.

NakedBanana · 01/05/2021 20:14

I think it sounds like you're sad for your step dad, that maybe you'll not see him again. Your mother sounds toxic.

Maybe more counselling to unpick this for you.

mumofthe21stcentury · 01/05/2021 23:24

Thank you @WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo @NakedBanana ladies. Yes I think deep down I feel sorry for my stepdad...

OP posts:
PicaK · 02/05/2021 07:36

It doesn't seem very puzzling to me why you're sad -, it's a loss. You got 2 parent figures and now the one who your relationship with is the easiest to understand is going.
You're allowed to be upset.
I don't have any answers though. Other than more counselling. And you're not responsible for your mum either. I can see you are worried about the effect on your step sister and maybe that's bringing up all memories of how tough your mum made your own childhood.
Flowers I think this might be better in Relationships - better for you in terms of help/feedback I mean. It is only about divorce on the surface.

mumofthe21stcentury · 02/05/2021 09:55

Thank you @PicaK for such kind words. I always feel responsible for my parents and their action. They don't make good choices often and I feel that I always have to make sure that they do.

OP posts:
uqueen · 03/07/2021 13:58

Cychk

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