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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Looking for other survivors of narcs

5 replies

Chilledsundays · 30/04/2021 17:10

I am 8 weeks out the other side. I have posted on here before but am still dipping up and down. Although I am getting the old me back massively. I was only involved with him for months rather than years. I got dumped fairly fast as I'm quite switched on. I guess I am strong and morally knew his behaviour wasn't normal,fair or adding up.
He had love bombed me at the start. Told me all his problems with alcohol. He told me how all his other relationships had failed. It was never his fault. He had only just reunited with his adult kids after leaving them as kids.
Alongside all of this he told me how well he and his ex still got on. He sent me perfume and flowers. He promised me the world. Seemed honest. Genuine. Dedicated to us. Always in contact. Infact sometimes I questioned him and whether he wanted to just chill out Infront of the Tele some nights without messaging me. But he insisted he didn't want too.

The put downs began. Small comments on my looks. My personality. Anything to make me feel abit insecure. Women were coming out of all the cracks. Stalkers. Weirdos. Exes. Inappropriate attempts made by the wives or sisters of family members. He claimed he had never encouraged stuff. They mistook his kindness for romance or love.

I woke up pretty fast. He was becoming snappy. Getting too comfortable with being moody and it wasn't a nice start to the relationship. We should have been in the honeymoon stage but instead I was dealing with him talking to me like something on his shoe. Looking at other women. Making out I was confusing. Refusing to talk about anything I wanted to discuss. I was banned from conversations about him and what he wanted for the future. I was never allowed to offer him space. Even when he was in a foul mood he would be annoyed if I offered to speak to him the following day so he could have some quiet.

We ended after I caught him out and he didn't like me asking him about another female he clearly was lining up.

I've since spoken to another woman he put through the same. I've massively recovered. But today I went back into Facebook for the first time in weeks. I knew I had to delete and block him as my account was deactivated. I saw his new woman. She was love hearting his photos just a couple of days after I went. They are both allover eachothers posts.

It's like he's gone out and got someone exactly like the type of woman he would tell me he didn't like. He didn't like bigger ladies with big breasts. He told me he preferred pony tails and shorter hair on women. I have long hair that's usually down. This lady like me has long hair that's always down. She is curvy with a bigger chest. She lives in the seaside town he claimed he hated and would never visit again. She also has cats which he's always expressed a hatred for as a dog lover.

The whole situation is odd. Anyway he's now blocked and I am left angry that he's always able to get someone to stroke his ego. I'm 15 years younger with young children and struggling to pick myself back up some days. I have not got a single option to flirt with. Through choice as I have not gone looking! I won't just settle for anyone. I'm aware that's what he does. But I'm still angry seeing it.

Anyone want to swap stories? Could do with some company in this lonely experience.

OP posts:
Onabusgoingnowhere · 01/05/2021 21:27

Join Caroline Strawson’s free FB group. It’s turned my life around xx

Chilledsundays · 02/05/2021 13:16

Will people see if I'm on there? I fear someone finding out that's all.

OP posts:
Onabusgoingnowhere · 02/05/2021 17:43

I felt exactly the same. No, it’s a private FB page and they check everyone who asks to join. Women only. Nobody can see your posts or that you are in the group.

coodawoodashooda · 03/05/2021 10:44

It is time more than anything that you need

PawPatrol24 · 04/05/2021 13:52

I was with a narc for 2.5 years. It was never physical, but almost became it and I vowed to never go back after he drowned my pet Rat.

He's doing it for this exact reaction from you.
It will seem perfect on the outside, but he will begin treating her exactly the same way once he's got her hooked.

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