Divorce in your 50's and very lonely

[PasturesN3w]

I am 54 and almost at the end of an overly long divorce process - very delayed due to Covid. After we separated, we got our own places, then 3 lockdown's struck. I became an empty-nester; the children are now at University and I am finding the change of role from wife and mother to singleton, very hard. All work'd dried up again because of Covid, and sadly the dog died, so it's been really difficult 16 months; a huge period of adjustment. I wasn't expecting to divorce at all. I've gone on lots of lonely walks having 'angry' conversations with myself! All the other feelings of: betrayal, loss, sadness, financial difficulties, envy and above all loneliness, are dominating my life at the moment. It's now Spring 202, life is getting back to normal. I can and will join classes so that I can be social and meet people. The women friends who have stuck-around have been so supportive; my life-blood. I don't have other family and so they've kept me going. I do however really miss male company. However, I have lost all confidence and don't know where to start. I did go on one dating app date, he was nice but a bit 'handsy' and it was too early in the healing process I think. Prefer to meet someone IRL, so perhaps a course in motorcycle maintenance? Where to start, have you experience of this?

You've gone through such a lot of change while also coping with a global pandemic, so try not to be hard on yourself. I'm really sorry about your dog too. Why are you talking to yourself in an angry way do you think? I may be way off here , but just from reading what you have written, I think you may benefit from some counselling and working on being really happy being single before seeking out another relationship..

Yes Bloodyhellinahippo, I'm not angry with myself, just angry full-stop; dismayed at STBX. When your life partner of 24 years betrays you and lies for years, it's hard to rebuild. Seen a therapist, and I don't want to be bitter. I'm trying to 'let it go'; to see what's good in my life and be more glass in 'half full' etc. I have been completely alone for many months now and mostly during lockdowns and actually quite a lot of our friends ran for the hills, as can happen I'm divorce, so the loneliness has been doubly hard.

Ah , apologies, that does all sound incredibly hard and you have done everything right. Your attitude sounds amazing given what you have gone through. So, where to start again? No scintillating ideas but could you get involved in local community groups, allotment, litter picking, park runs? Things where both sexes are represented equally?

Those are good ideas. STBX does park runs all the time, luckily he's faster than me so I wouldn't bump into him necessarily-I'd be at the back!

Get another dog :)
You’ll meet so many new people.
I had Covid at the beginning of the year and they noticed I wasn’t out in the park for a few days, lots of people checked in on me. People I would have never met if it wasn’t for my dog. My neighbour met her partner walking the dog.
I realise this could potentially sound a bit weird 😂

I think you have just lost a lot of your 'normal' in a short space of time and just need time to adjust.
Could you use the time to plan little things, getting a puppy if you have time to invest, joining a fitness class as they reopen, reaching out to a friend and planning a day out somewhere..you don't have to look too far ahead, maybe just a couple of weeks at a time?

Just re read your post and be proud of all the changes you have adjusted to. Agree a new dog could be great. Maybe go to puppy or dog agility classes. Gym? Walking group? I’ve found SlimmingWorld group to be good for meeting people albeit more women but some men there.