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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

"Trial" separation is dragging on

11 replies

Poppered · 24/04/2021 07:22

DH and I agreed to a trial separation 2 months ago of 4 weeks. He has moved in with his parents. Since the initial 4 weeks, there have been on and off talks, but I became upset when he kept storming out of the house when things didn't go his way. I've since told him that talks should take place in a neutral space, not in the house when he has the luxury of walking out and I don't.
After a positive talk one evening and a takeaway, I have since suggested a meal out to discuss things and he said yes, but that he couldn't on the particular evening I mentioned. I've since discovered that he went to play golf. He hasn't suggested an alternative day/time to meet and discuss things, almost 2 weeks later. This I think, is because he's busy- on his free nights he's either working, playing football, playing golf, or in a friends garden/beer garden.
The primary reason we are going through all of this is his failure to prioritise us as a couple or engage in the mechanics and planning that goes with family life.
I don't feel strong enough to officially end things, but it looks like I'm going to have to. I genuinely thought he would sit up straight and realise what he's losing, but he hasn't. Just looking for a bit of moral support before I take the next step?

OP posts:
ItsSnowJokes · 24/04/2021 07:29

He is showing you he doesn't prioritise you or your marriage. Walk away and find someone who does prioritise you.

Don't be at his beck and call while he is off out here there and everywhere. Just tell him you are done and honestly it will feel better.

CornishTiger · 24/04/2021 07:30

He’s showing you that he still isn’t prioritising your marriage.

Time to walk away.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 24/04/2021 07:33

Its obvious you need to leave. he is using the trial separation to procrastinate further.
What he wants is a single man's life with you doing all the donkey work that needs doing and raising the children for him.
You need an equal partner in life not this.

TheProvincialLady · 24/04/2021 07:34

Why would you even want to be in a marriage a with such a monumental shit? He can’t communicate like an adult, doesn’t care much about his children and would rather play golf.

Find some dignity and divorce him.

DinosaurDiana · 24/04/2021 07:37

He’s enjoying his single life too much, and probably having his meals and washing done by his mum.
I’d be making it permanent and make sure he has the kids 50% of the time.

Poppered · 24/04/2021 07:37

"Its obvious you need to leave. he is using the trial separation to procrastinate further"

Yes, I agree that this is definitely what he's doing. If I properly end things, he'll be mortified, but I'm sure he's using the "trial" as a means of fitting in as many single man pursuits as he can before, in his mind, he comes home again.

He referred to it as a trial on Thursday evening when he was dropping off DCs and I reminded him that the trial was for 4 weeks, this currently is not a trial.

OP posts:
PandaLady · 24/04/2021 08:12

Wow, he is a real shit! He is behaving in such a self-indulgent manner, I can hardly believe this is a grown man with kids.

Nobody deserves to try and co parent with a big man-baby op. Let him go.

Poppered · 24/04/2021 08:45

Self-indulgent is a great word for it @pandalady

OP posts:
HandsIntoTheFire · 24/04/2021 08:47

Wow it’s really not supposed to be this difficult. Leave him behind.

LemonTT · 24/04/2021 09:10

Tbh, I think, but I may well be wrong, that the trial has turned into gamesmanship. I suspect you believed it would make him realise he needed to change. He knows it and that you don’t want to split.

You should have taken time apart to get perspective away from each other. That you spent it in talks and argument means you just continued the before. Which is you wanting him to change and him refusing to do it.

You need outside counselling not a meal out. Which would also end in an argument. I’m not sure why you want to go never mind him.

Lollypop701 · 24/04/2021 09:12

He’s not changing. You know this. He’s counting on you not changing too. If you are not prepared to walk away it will never change . As the saying goes if someone ss you who they are believe them... are you telling him you’re a walkover? What about your kids, are you telling them that too? Or it’s ok to treat someone you profess to love you can ignore them? No one can tell you what to do, it’s what you’re prepared to put up with

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