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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Newly separated, struggling with DC doing overnights with dad

3 replies

GiantPinkUnicorn · 22/04/2021 15:19

Does anyone else struggle with this? I think I was possibly in a low-level abusive relationship, and am really struggling with self-confidence. I feel so afraid my husband will take my DC away (ie gain majority custody), but even the few nights he has had with DC I have found incredibly hard and I just dread them. Which I know is selfish. I just miss them so terribly much and I feel like I am being punished by having less access to my child, all because I didn't want to be in an unhealthy relationship. It is so hard to cope with the fact that DC now has another home; I just never thought about it this way - I only ever thought about being out of the relationship, and only thought about the positives. I know that I should actually be pleased that he is making an effort with DC, but I feel very mistrustful of him and I am finding it so hard to be positive at this moment even though I know I need to pull up my socks. No one to speak to in real life because I am trying to be positive about us co-parenting.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 23/04/2021 07:39

It is tough, so don't feel bad for finding it tough.

It gets easier, and very much more so if you consciously fill your child free time with stuff that benefits you. Fitness, hobbies, socialising, chores : anything that keeps your mind occupied, or allows you to be more present when your kids are with you is good.

Stitchandapples · 23/04/2021 10:53

This is my greatest concern.
Because DH has not done anything much with my dc or taken on any of the care since they were born I feel they are basically mine more than his. That sounds like they are objects - but I just mean I feel like I have made the effort with them and have a strong relationship. He’s done nothing and I find it hard that I’m likely to lose them 50% of the time.

Earlgrey19 · 23/04/2021 22:33

Same here, newly separated, finding it heart breaking when they’re away, though I know it’s important for them to see their Dad. It’s really tough. Hugs xx

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