No energy for dispute

[DoingItForTheKid]

DH will dispute everything in the settlements, so I feel like I cant bear to start the divorce process.

What gave you the energy to proceed?

I'm in a similar situation (we are negotiating right now - we have been trying to since August! )- are there children involved? My solicitor said to me, this is your one and only chance to secure your children's future and if you don't do it no one else will.

I think it's also the thought of spending the rest of my life feeling bitter that I didn't get what I deserve.

Oh and the energy to proceed is that you know you are married to a complete dick as you know he will fight for everything! So get yourself free and live your best life!

Someone on here likened it to labour, horrible, hard work when you are going through it but at the end you have something absolutely amazing. Your freedom and chance to make your own decisions!

You can do this op..

My tip is to stay business like about it. Just focus on getting the best for yourself, and process your hurt and anger elsewhere

@DoingItForTheKid this is exactly how I've felt which is why I've been separated for almost 6 years and only just starting the divorce process now. I just didn't have the emotional fight in me. But he's moved on and built a new life for himself which I honestly don't care about. But now it's time for me to fight for me and my kids 💪🏼Good luck OP x

@Soopermum1

My tip is to stay business like about it. Just focus on getting the best for yourself, and process your hurt and anger elsewhere

Exactly this! Stay pragmatic, focus on the end game and don't sweat the small stuff.

I've let go of so many lies and deceptions in my ex's financial disclosure, because ultimately I don't think they will change the outcome enough not matter. I've really focused on what does matter (in my case it's getting support for a disabled child, including school fees).

You can do it!

I said to a friend once that it would take me years to divorce my ex, they asked roughly how long, I said about 3 years as I was sure he'd do everything he could to hold stuff up. We worked out that I'd be x years old by the time I was divorced. She then pointed out, if I did nothing, in 3 years time, I'd still be X years old. So I might as well start it now. She was so right. I look back and realise that the time it took me to divorce him, doesn't matter as time would pass anyway. It feels a lifetime ago when I look back now.

Just keep swimming op.

As above, keep swimming!

I'm nearing the end (hopefully) - not too long to FDR. I feel absolutely worn out by the whole thing. My STBEX is a complete *** and just won't put the children's needs first, so that's my job.

I have to be honest, I feel I've aged about 10 years in the last 3 years (that's how long it's taken to get this far) but the result will be worth it - just to be free of him finally.

This is so helpful to read!

In a similar situation, it has been around 15 months and still waiting, but hopefully nearly there. I totally get your point - throughout this process I have had days of joy and excitement about what is to come, some fear but also exhausted by it all.

It can be easy to feel that it is too much to deal with and that you don't have the energy - but don't let those feelings or those bad days take away the focus away from what really matters. Keep going!

I guess I had to write this for myself too :) x