Help! Divorce decided in cheating husbands favour out the blue!

[Ash050992]

Hi, please could someone help my sister with some advice as her solicitor just forwarded a decree from the court saying the divorce has been agreed based on what her ex listed as the reasons for the breakdown of the marriage as they say he’s proven it yet we can’t understand how this can happen as we’ve not been asked to supply any proof ourselves and after he walked out, because my sister caught him cheating, and he filed for the divorce and we filed our counter reasons, which were basically he neglected the family, was secretive with money and had affairs, we heard nothing from the court or solicitor until this decree came through out nowhere!

My sisters devastated as she’s worried this will look bad upon her when it comes to the child custody arrangements and property division but the decree does not mention anything about appealing so is this normal and is there nothing we can do now? The only thing they said we could fight in court now is the divorce costs.

Finally we’re not sure how good our solicitor was as she had to be chased so many times before she’d get back to us, forwarded on information from the ex’s solicitor late and said we didn’t need to worry about responding on time so we are concerned maybe she missed submitting forms through on time (she also never sent us any copies of the forms she was submitting for us), making us lose, so is that normal and if not would it be acceptable and easy to ask to change solicitors for the child and property arrangements?

Thank you.

This isn't a financial settlement, no? The court have confirmed there is a basis for divorce and issued the decree nisi, I think?

Honestly getting hung up on what "reason for divorce" was accepted is a complete waste of your time and energy, as I understand it. The court isn't there to rule on who was the better spouse or who is more "right". They are there to determine whether there is a legal basis to end the marriage. If your DSis was not actually contesting that there are grounds for divorce, then she is getting what she wants, i.e. divorced.

The reasons for divorce don't affect the financial settlement or discussion of child residency. That is determined on the basis of legal entitlement and of needs of any children of the marriage. Who did or did not cheat on who is completely irrelevant to that discussion.

Has your DSis discussed financial settlement or child residency with her XH already? That doesn't actually have to go to court if they can reach a settlement outside court. She should discuss with her solicitor.

(Disclaimer: not a lawyer of any kind.)

Sorry forgot to mention our solicitor didn’t say anything else in the email she sent us besides stating the courts expecting us to pay the costs so we’d mailed her back to call us but not received anything yet.

What were his reasons?

They are expecting you to cover all costs or part?

OP you keep saying “we” and “us”. You do realise you weren’t in the marriage? It’s your sister that is getting divorced.

To answer your original question - it won't affect the financial or child arrangements.

If they can thrash out some sort of agreement about money and children then they won't have to go to court so the use of the solicitor should be minimal going forwrd. Or she could change her solicitor.

@thisisstartingtoboreme @bunglebee Thank you for your responses and yes it is the decree ncis that's been issued so far rather than any financial settlement.

Court costs wise they are currently expecting my sister to pay for them all but we're hoping we can dispute this or come to some sort of arrangement as my sister is a single parent only working part time.

Unfortunately her ex-husband is not trustworthy or understanding enough to reach an agreement outside of court so we will need to use a solicitor though I've passed on to my sister that we can change them if needed and have also passed on your messages that the cause behind the decree shouldn't affect the property/child arrangements which has reassured her greatly as she's spent a lot of the day in tears worrying so many thanks again for your feedback.

Your sister may find this useful:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/getting-a-divorce/

For starters she needs a better lawyer! My 1st was similarly shit, my 2nd was much more on the ball. Ask for local recommendations from people

Secondly don't agree to anything on finances or contact until she's received GOOD legal advice. At this point I'd caution her against signing anything either given the apparent incompetence of current lawyer.

Sorry she's going through this

If a partner had affairs and you forgive him and continue with the relationship for 6 months then you can't use this adultery as grounds for divorce. You would need proof of intercourse which is often difficult to prove.

The property division won't care about the reasons and who was or was not at fault. I would be talking over my concerns and worries with the solicitor.

OP you keep saying “we” and “us”. You do realise you weren’t in the marriage? It’s your sister that is getting divorced.

I am perplexed by this, too. Why are you so involved in your sister's divorce? It sounds as though your sister doesn't have a good grip of whats been going on.

Your DSis hasn't lost anything, she is getting a divorce which is what she wants.

As PP have said this won't have an effect on finances.

You also need to take a step back from this. That doesn't mean stop supporting or giving your DSis advice but it is very clear that you are too involved.

Really wouldn't stress it's a piece of paper that goes nowhere and affect nothing.
Until the law moves on someone has to be blamed .

It doesn't affect money or custody It's quite normal for each side to try and get the other to pay there fees irrespective .

Are there pensions to be divided, on the husband's side? That's the only thing which might be affected by decree absoute, if so her solicitor would need to ask this is delayed for financial settlement. If so, change solicitor now and get them to address immediately.

Otherwise, there was no reason to contest the divorce and your solicitor has pushed up your sister's bills unnecessarily. Yes, I would replace her for finances and child arrangements.

You mean the decree nisi? And she's be advised to pay the costs for the divorce at this point?

My exh jumped in and applied for the divorce, I had no idea this usually results in the other party having to pay those costs until it happened to me. Again he was the 'badie'.

Ime this has no impact on the rest of the divorce.

I wanted adultery on our nisi as that was the reason for it. Also it meant ex H had to pay costs and my legal fees. It is very much a big deal. I had to prove his adultery though. I'm not sure how someone proves unreasonable behaviour. Usually you get a draft via each of your solicitors and agree to it before it is send off.