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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Advice Please

15 replies

MrsHInch · 02/04/2021 18:28

My friend seperated from her DH in Feb 2020.

He left the family home and the DC in the home & returned to close familys house.

My friend isn't on the mortgage of the property, but does have financial interest in the property via financial separation.

It's been 14 months & she's still living in the house with the DC. My friend, although dear to me, won't listen to reason from me and other close friends about how much this is not right & it's going to bite her on the arse.

She won't engage in dissolving the marriage by financial split and has even sacked her solicitor.

She thinks that by placing a home rights notice on the property and paying her estranged husband half of the mortgage repayment that is sufficient for her to remain in the property forever.

I want to try and get my friend to see sense & to finalise the finances and divorce petition. I want her to be ahead of the curve ball, rather than the potential rug being pulled.

What do you think that the estranged husband can do to my friend?
Given that the house is solely his.

What advice can I give my friend?

OP posts:
LastRoloIsMine · 02/04/2021 18:40

It isnt solely his. They are married.

You are giving your friend bad advice.
Depending on her financial situation, his financial situation and the age of the children she could very well stay in the property at least until the youngest is 18.

Why do you want your friend to give up her home?

Original poster
MrsHInch · 02/04/2021 19:08

I don't want my friend to give up her home, I just don't want her to be without a chance for a smooth transition.

She can't afford the house, shes tried to get a mortgage to take over the house but she can't, so instead of finding another way she's burying her head in the sand.

She's been told by her now sacked solicitor that the house has to be sold.

Shes very near to being divorced. The sale of the house is the only thing that's not been resolved.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/04/2021 19:18

Would could she afford with day 60% of joint marital assets and the mortgage she could raise - anything suitable around where she lives or not?

Do you know how much pensions have been valued at?

LastRoloIsMine · 02/04/2021 19:30

Who is the smooth transition benefitting really OP?

I think your friend is right to hold out. There are so many financial factors to consider including the house.

Have you tried supporting her with her choice?

Original poster
MrsHInch · 02/04/2021 19:54

Random Mess - There are no pensions. There are only contents of the home left as part of the financial split. She can afford cira 100k. The family home is worth in the region of 170k.

Rolos - Smooth transition would be benefitting her children who are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Getting told that the house is up for sale one minute, then not the next. In the last 6-8 months, the house has been on the market twice, sold STC twice and the buyers have pulled out twice when my friend has refused entry to convayencers and other professionals. So her poor kids don't know if they're coming or going.

What financial factors do you think that she needs to consider? As it stands she thinks is comical that she's burying her head and not moving forward in any direction, purposely avoiding solicitors and coming to any form of clean break.

OP posts:
sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 02/04/2021 19:58

So within 4 months of the relationship ending her home was already on the market?

Can you really not see why she might not have felt able to lose her home as well as her marriage all in a matter of months?

Telling her what to do and trying to control her isn't going to help her. It sounds like she just needs some time.

RandomMess · 02/04/2021 20:02

So she can't actually afford to house her DC if she agrees to sell????

I know several people that have remained in the family home with a mesher order so the DC were securely housed.

LastRoloIsMine · 02/04/2021 20:02

With children involved that changes the dynamics.
Shes paying half the mortgage already child maintenance could be used to pay the rest.

If he's a higher earner the CM maybe so much she can pay full mortgage with some left over.

It sounds like your friend was pushed in to selling then realised her solicitor was crap sacked them so is holding out as she should.

End of the day if a judge says sell then she's lost nothing but what if the judge decides otherwise? Then she gets to keep her home at least for the time her children need it.

Her poor kids....sounds like its dad that doesn't give a crap about his poor kids and wants to sell their home from under them.

Be a better friend. Support her.

Or are you in fact the ex....

Original poster
MrsHInch · 02/04/2021 20:07

Within 8 months the house was up for sale as this was the last asset to be split financially.

I know that the decision to divorce was a mutual one, the house going on the market was initially a joint decision too, but shes made minimal effort to look for alternatives & has time has passed she's ignored more and more.

I'm worried about her mental health, she's become more and more disjointed about the whole thing.

I've only tried to advise so far, but I'm running out of options and ways to help her come to terms.

Does anyone know what the husband could do? So I could warn her?

OP posts:
LastRoloIsMine · 02/04/2021 20:07

Very rarely does a clean break benefit the wife.

sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 02/04/2021 20:09

Stop trying to advise her when she's made clear she doesn't want advice! Just be there for her. That's how you help her. You can't fix this and she's not asking you to.

LastRoloIsMine · 02/04/2021 20:12

He can do nothing.

It goes to court a judge decides.
There is no way he can coerce her if thats what you are asking Hmm

Do you know your posts are "off". From the start "Given that the house is solely his" it wasnt solely his from the second they married.

Look bottom line is she has a 50% share in that house. Nothing the ex you can do will change that. She has every right to let this go before a judge who will view the whole financial situation and generally decide what is fair.

Original poster
MrsHInch · 02/04/2021 20:26

Rest assured I'm not the Ex!

I am supportive of my friend & I'm offering advice to her because she's asking me, every time we catch up. It's pretty much the only conversation we have.

She can afford to house her children, she has plenty of income, the problem is credit rating isn't great, so realistically it's renting. I've supported her with local councils etc but despite her asking for advice and support she doesn't put anything into futition.

Rolos - Ludicrous as it sounds, her half of the mortgage payments she sends is less than what she gets back in CMA. When I say solely his, that's her words. She's not on the mortgage, again credit rating 😑

OP posts:
LastRoloIsMine · 02/04/2021 20:33

She doesn't have to be on the mortgage they are married.

So why the hell would she rent when she has a chance of living in a mortgaged property for a few more years?

Seriously stop advising her. You are not doing a good job.
Your friend is right to hold out for the judges decision. The outcome is much more likely to be fair. As I said a clean split rarely works in the wife's favour unless she is the main earner.

You can support her by helping her find a better solicitor.

dontdisturbmenow · 03/04/2021 13:17

If she's got a bad credit history, it's not surprised she is bursting her head. If it's as enough that she can't get a mortgage, it's very likely she'd fail a rental check too, at least for a decent property. That doesn't leave her with many options. She'd probably be very low down the list for council home.

It sounds like her vest bet is indeed to buy herself time to better her credit history so that she could at least rent a decent property.

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