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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ex accuses me of lying

6 replies

SallyAnn32 · 01/04/2021 10:13

Hello! You may have read my previous posts about my jackass of a stbxh being difficult but I just wanted your advice on the recent situation. We have 2 DD's together and my eldest (9) has effectively disowned her dad and won't have anything to do with him.

She's struggled throughout the separation despite us trying to convince her to see her dad which we know is really important. She recently had a mental health crisis at school and the school and I worked together to get help from the GP, CAMHS and private counselling. She's doing better but when I told my ex about it to keep him in the loop with our girls he accused me of making it up. Even when I showed him the camhs paperwork we'd completed he said I'd printed it off of the internet and it was fake.

The root of this is due to the ow he left us for being a crazy loon and turning up at my house, contacting me, sending takeaways etc. She's always denied it and he's always believed her and said I'm making it up. The police are involved and solicitors have copies of the police paperwork.

I digress. My question is that given that he won't believe anything I say even if it slapped him in the face am I within my rights just to keep things to myself about the girls unless it's serious or to do with the days he has DD2? I don't want to purposely hold back information or alienate him but when I do try to involve him he accuses me of lying which is starting to affect my self esteem. My friends irl tell me to block all information from him but obviously they're on my side but I want to do what it best for our girls.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
FatCatThinCat · 01/04/2021 10:20

He doesn't want to hear what you're telling him, so don't bother keeping him in the loop. If he wants to know stuff he can speak to you respectfully and ask nicely.

SallyAnn32 · 01/04/2021 10:23

@FatCatThinCat I said the same to him recently but was worried he'd get me done for being an unreasonable parent. I just said if you can't believe what I say then don't expect to hear from me. Of course I was being unreasonable 🤬

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 01/04/2021 10:44

I would send him a factual message when you next update. If he kicks off, I would send him one message (written, email, text, whatsapp etc) saying you weren't asking him for a discussion about it, you were just updating him. Please can he confirm whether he would like you to stop sending updates.

If he says to stop, then you have it in writing. (Screenshot it)
If says he wants updates (and most likely a rambling rant about you making things up) then I'd send one reply stating that you will continue to update so long as he remains civil. If he kicks off, I would tell him all contact can go through the solicitors.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. If it helps at all, it sounds like you're not being unreasonable, but your ex is doing the age old trick of trying to blame you for everything, and make you the bad guy, so he doesn't have to feel guilty for being a lying cheating scumbag. I'm possibly projecting a little there. We went through similar with my ex. eldest DD also had a very hard time, school, GP, NHS counselling, and private counselling, and she's doing so much better. Ex told me I was making it all up, but told his family that DD was in a bad way and it was all my fault, so I got abuse from them. Delightful people Hmm It does get better though. I give less of a fuck about exH being a dickhead these days.

Easterbunnyishoppingmad · 01/04/2021 10:55

If he asks after dd just tell him she is fine. It's obviously all he wants to hear... Leaves you with more energy for your dd...

GentlemanJay · 01/04/2021 12:45

I'd send him the facts once they arrive to keep him in the loop. If he doesn't believe you, I wouldn't argue with him.

SallyAnn32 · 01/04/2021 18:55

@MangoBiscuit

I would send him a factual message when you next update. If he kicks off, I would send him one message (written, email, text, whatsapp etc) saying you weren't asking him for a discussion about it, you were just updating him. Please can he confirm whether he would like you to stop sending updates.

If he says to stop, then you have it in writing. (Screenshot it)
If says he wants updates (and most likely a rambling rant about you making things up) then I'd send one reply stating that you will continue to update so long as he remains civil. If he kicks off, I would tell him all contact can go through the solicitors.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. If it helps at all, it sounds like you're not being unreasonable, but your ex is doing the age old trick of trying to blame you for everything, and make you the bad guy, so he doesn't have to feel guilty for being a lying cheating scumbag. I'm possibly projecting a little there. We went through similar with my ex. eldest DD also had a very hard time, school, GP, NHS counselling, and private counselling, and she's doing so much better. Ex told me I was making it all up, but told his family that DD was in a bad way and it was all my fault, so I got abuse from them. Delightful people Hmm It does get better though. I give less of a fuck about exH being a dickhead these days.

@MangoBiscuit I'm sorry you have been going through the same too. I hope your children are ok and I'm pleased to read your daughter is doing better. They're just utter shits for doing this to their children aren't they.

It does get easier, you're right. It's just not easy being called a liar all of the time. A year ago when it first happened I lived for those days when I spoke to my ex just so he didn't forget me but nowadays I say very little to him. I have absolutely nothing to say to his sorry ass. I've met someone and I'm generally thriving at life. It's relentless being a single mum and it breaks my heart knowing DD has no relationship with her dad but when I give myself a reality check I realise I'm not doing bad.

It sounds like you've weathered the storm too x

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