How is it financially possible to divorce?

[Totallycluelessoverhere]

I want a divorce. I’ve been wanting it for a while but haven’t progressed to applying for a divorce because it just feels so impossible.
We have children and I am only currently working a few hours a week. There is no possibility of me working more hours anytime soon due to children’s health needs.
My husband won’t move out of the family home. I can’t afford to move out. I can’t find a landlord willing to rent a home to me locally because I am not working full time. I have no chance of getting a council home.

I would literally have to divorce him whilst living in the same house and that feels like it will just be really unpleasant for the kids as I anticipate it will be a very hostile environment to live in.

I saw a solicitor for advice and she advised me that divorces where a financial settlement is needed are currently taking up to two years to be finalised due to backlog at the courts caused by covid.
How, just how am I meant to get out of this marriage?
I’m sick of living with somebody who has narcissist tendencies and turns all the blame on me for every situation.
I’m also sick of living with somebody who doesn’t seem to understand my right to bodily autonomy. I’m sick of arguments about lack of sex. I don’t want to have sex with somebody who thinks it’s acceptable to wake me up for sex. I don’t want to have sex with somebody who’s company I don’t enjoy. And most of all I don’t want to have sex with somebody who thinks it is his right to have sex.
Just how can I make this divorce happen?

Sorry you are going through it too mmmmdanone

My husband definitely isn’t taking me serious as he is still expecting me to include him when I am cooking the family meals.
I’m going to clear out a cupboard in the kitchen and a shelf in the fridge and freezer and tell him that he needs to do his own cooking and shopping from the next time I do a family shop.

I just need to be moved out really so that I can claim whatever benefits I can as a single parent and not be reliant on him in any way. But the system just doesn’t help it seems.

I believe if you can live separately- different meals, different beds, own laundry, no family outings, you can claim as a single person. Worth looking into. I can't manage it personally- too difficult for the kids to witness in my opinion. I'm so depressed. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks mmmmmdanone. I don’t think I want the hassle of claiming benefits as a singleton whilst living under the same roof. Even if I had already applied for the divorce the rules are just too confusing for benefit claims whilst still living in the same house.
And as you say, being that separate will cause further upset for the children.
I’m really really hoping that my husband will get fed up soon after I apply for a divorce and move out. Slim chance and all but I can hope.

I did exactly that. He wouldn't wave the family home and it also went to court. Two and a half years of living together, court appearances etc. There was no other way but it was worth it! I can't stress how hard it was though

By any chance does he have family or friends living nearby that he could rent a room from?
That's what exh did. He rented a room and comes here twice a week to have the children here and I leave to stay elsewhere (originally my parents house and now my dp's).
Am currently going through a divorce and it's hard enough knowing that he's still coming in to 'my space' must be unbelievably difficult to co-habit throughout the process. As soon as the money from the house is released to him I'm changing the locks!

No family nearby with a spare bedroom for either of us.

My H's mum and dad live reasonably near, have spare room but he won't stay with them. He says he will only leave when he can afford to buy a property- no renting- which is years away as he has no savings for a deposit. I'm looking at rental properties for me and DC now but it's such an upheaval for them.

I have lived for years while separated from ex in same home as he wouldn't move out and I didn't want to leave the family home with the 3 children as couldn't afford to do that. It's very tough but if you can get a good solicitor who doesn't try to fleece you for every last cent, get the divorce process started and one day you will get there. Try to set up some rules that enable you to live together in the home in the meantime-rules re who pays what bills, who cooks what days, who does what jobs in the house. Easier said than done but a few rules like this prevent daily arguments if both parties can stick to them.

Hi OP, I did live with my now ex husband through the divorce. It took 2.5 years from the start of the divorce till the sale of the matrimonial home was completed and I could move on to my own home.
It was absolutely horrendous as the ex was emotionally and verbally abusive and tried to turn the children against me. I do not regret getting divorced, even though at times I felt like giving up and just walking out without anything.
I only wish I had done it years earlier, but like you I was afraid how it was going to affect the children and how I was going to cope.
But that feeling of enormous relief I got on the first night at my new home, and feeling free since then, made really worth it.

With regards to claiming benefits, you are entitled to claim Universal Credit while you are still living under the same roof, provided that you are genuinely separated and have separate finances. I checked it with them several times, when I put my claim in to make sure I didn’t have to pay anything back.

I don’t know what your housing situation is, but if you own the house, then do not move out as it may affect your financial settlement. The court will look at meeting the children’s and then both parties’ housing needs first. If you and the children are settled elsewhere, the husband can argue that your housing needs are met.
From what you have written about your husband, it looks that you are going to be the primary carer after the divorce . Therefore you and the children deserve a fair settlement, which would allow you a decent quality of life.

How old is your youngest child?

My divorce cost something like £250 using an online package. All pretty easy but we were both on the same page regarding kids, money etc..