Should I sell marital home?

[IndyBean]

My ex-husband and I separated nearly two years ago. He’s living abroad, and I stay in our marital home with our child who is 7. We own the flat together and he’s still paying half the mortgage.

As part of the divorce, I will either buy him out (which isn’t easy as it’s tough to afford on my own) or sell the flat and give him half.

I love the flat - it’s beautiful. But I have a feeling it will never feel like it’s mine, even once he’s moved his stuff out and I’ve redecorated (which I won’t be able to afford for some time).

He isn’t always the most pleasant and as he has daily video calls with our child, I just feel like I’ll be constantly reminded by him that this used to be his home. Like, I can’t imagine having another man around overnight or moving in, for example.

Since Spring is coming, I feel like it might be a good time to sell. And I would be able to raise the finance to buy a smaller flat nearby. I just feel a bit sad as it’s such a good flat, and it’s hard to let it go. But also, should I just go for it and move on? Would that feel better psychologically?

I think I know the answer, but would be grateful for anyone else’s experiences! 🙏

I'm a similar situation (but ex is nice) and I've gone for staying in the house.
It's a real heart/head situation isn't it.
In the end I thought the kids needed just that bit more stability. Moving is always something we can do in future if ££s doesn't work out.
Honestly, it is amazing how just painting a feature wall or buying your own small piece of furniture can really change how you feel about it being yours. I raided charity shops, used aldi furniture paint and went peacock green in the kitchen. Just for me - noone else's taste, it's a heady feeling of joy.
Local fb groups often have people flogging half full tins of paint and cheap brushes are OK first time you use them.
Whatever you choose will be the right decision. Step forward, don't beat yourself up that you're not making the perfect choice. It's the people that make the home not the bricks and mortar

I'm in a very similar situation to you OP. Ex living abroad too. However, he comes to stay here when he wants to visit family and friends. I hate it. I can't buy him out as too much equity. To be honest, even with everything painted and new stuff, it will still be the family home and thats not something I want to be reminded of. I want a fresh start, somewhere 100% mine.

Selling would cost you a considerable amount... solicitors estate agents stamp duty moving costs, then all
The extra bits you’d end up buying, it’s all wasted money.

Unless you’d save a considerable amount on the mortgage or you can’t afford it then I’d stay put, use the money to redecorate, make it yours. Time is a great healer, and a few years it won’t be so painful:

Ex h moved out of my house 8 years ago.... I remember my mum saying at the time “why don’t you sell and buy yourself a flat” but Id had the house for years, and although finally it was a struggle to begin with, I’m in a much better position now, new bathroom and kitchen, most rooms been decorated twice since he moved out and the mortgage will be paid off in 7 years (I’m 37)... I’m pleased I kept my lovely big (to me) house and didn’t sell:

Selling was the best thing I ever did, it finally freed me. He has never and will never set foot in this house.
Yes it cost me money, but for my mental freedom it was worth it.

Thank you all for your comments - it's good that you've all been happy with your choices! I can definitely see the arguments both ways. My gut responses to what you've said have helped me confirm how I feel. Like - I can see the expense and hassle of moving, and that I'll end up with a smaller flat, but I just can't get over what a psychological break I think it will be, so I think I'm probably going to go down that route. I'll keep you posted though!