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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Please Help!

15 replies

jonny5000 · 14/03/2021 07:29

Hi everyone, I am currently going through a divorce and wanted to ask some advice if possible please, I have a solicitor but conscious its expensive asking her advice on everything! Currently my business has been hit very hard over the last 12 months with covid but also because my wife had an affair and left the family home so I have been looking after our 3 children most of the time, consequently making it difficult for me to work as much as I need to. My wife does not work however now we are separated she does receive some types of benefits until she returns to work. Currently I am paying the mortgage and all of the household bills with very little coming in, whilst she does not give me anything. We are in process of agreeing a financial split on the equity of our home but I don't know where I stand regarding the bills on the house? Currently I am having to use savings which is not ideal and the longer this goes on the more I am losing out. She is not in the home very often ( 1 hour a day ) and I don't know if she is doing this to argue she has not been here so she doesn't have to pay anything? Can I build this into our agreement or is it likely to spark further tension. Any thoughts would be hugely appreciated. Many Thanks, Jonny.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 14/03/2021 07:35

Is her name on the mortgage? Is her name on any of the bills?

Original poster
jonny5000 · 14/03/2021 08:01

Hi Felicity, thanks for your message. No unfortunately her name is not on the mortgage / bills as I had always paid for these before we separated.

OP posts:
Otter71 · 20/03/2021 14:14

How old are the kids and how long was the marriage? Unfortunately that makes a difference as to likely split...
Has she actually moved elsewhere and if so why is she coming to the house at all? If not where is she hiding out?

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 20/03/2021 15:03

Can you not also claim some benefits if you are on a low income, also who is getting the child benefit? if she is I would apply to have it changed to you.

Singlenotsingle · 20/03/2021 15:30

The person responsible for the bills is the person whose name is on the contract with the utility provider. She isn't there and isn't using anything anyway. If you're going to take responsibility for the children, you could argue that you stay in the house with them

RandomMess · 20/03/2021 15:36

If she isn't having the DC overnight claim maintenance from her, won't be much but it's the principle.

PicaK · 20/03/2021 18:20

If she's not earning and not on UC then he can't claim cms.
You live in the house, you pay bills.
How old are the kids.
How much is the business bringing in. It must be hard if you've gone from meeting all costs and supporting a sahm to digging into savings.
Why is she not caring for the children any more at all? Who now claims cb? Why is she there 1 hour per day?
She has a right to live there whilst you are still married. But as she owns a property then she won't be getting rent money from UC.

Original poster
jonny5000 · 20/03/2021 21:31

the kids are 9, 7 and 4. we were married 13 years. she stays at her new boyfriends house most of the time. she comes back to bring food back to the house for the children and me sometimes, so she is now doing that which is something.

OP posts:
Original poster
jonny5000 · 20/03/2021 21:33

she is getting the child benefit and has agreed to split that but if she doesn't then I will speak to UC to see what can be done.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/03/2021 21:46

Erm if you are primary carer you should be getting the Child Benefit. She is hanging onto that because that is her gateway to Universal Credit.

Go to Child Benefit and put in a claim for all 3 DC. If your earnings are down then you may well be entitled to UC to help with council tax (have you applied for single person discount) and other costs including childcare.

Original poster
jonny5000 · 20/03/2021 22:14

When I put I was the primary carer before which is true she told me she can't get any money unless she is down as the primary carer. So every time I tell the truth she gets angry because it reduces what money she gets.

there are no child care costs but that sounds like a good idea about council tax reduction.

I am guessing she doesn't want to be at the house so she doesn't have to pay the bills. What happens if I can't find work and pay the bills as that is the way things are heading whilst she does not have to worry.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/03/2021 22:20

Well you need to start telling the truth and if you own the home perhaps you will have to sell it? At some point you will have to buy her out and divorce.

Council tax deduction is just because it's only one adult there. You need to do that NOW as it doesn't get back dated.

How much money are you earning per week? You should run the figures through entitled to and see what you would get as a single adult, or with 1 DC, 2DC, 3DC.

You could come to an amicable arrangement whereby she claims for the eldest and you claim for the 2 youngest. If she isn't looking after the DC or providing a home for them why does she think she entitled to state funds as if she were?

Original poster
jonny5000 · 20/03/2021 22:24

are you saying that she would not get universal credit without having the 3 children on the claim? I feel like her dodgy boyfriend is helping her claim for things that are not true and as I have not claimed before I am a bit unsure what's going on to be honest, as all I want is some temporary support for the bills and looking after the children, certainly not for me to spend on myself which is what I think she is trying to do. Without claiming for the children its minimal what I can claim and I need the support until things change. thanks everyone for your help as I think because I am stressed I am getting confused with things.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/03/2021 22:41

She would get very little UC if she wasn't including the DC. If she is renting it makes her eligible for a larger home and housing benefit.

Go back to basics and get claim Child Benefit for the youngest two children and claim for UC including the youngest 2 DC.

She has no leg to stand on and that is you being KIND saying she has primary care of one DC.

RandomMess · 20/03/2021 22:42

Child benefit is the gateway to the other benefits.

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