What is going on in my head

[Seperated2019]

I have been separated for 18 months now, Divorce being processed. Now I am an emotional wreck. I have 2 daughters 17 and 14 who mean everything to me. Since the split I have only contact with my eldest. My youngest hates me and wont speak to me which breaks my heart. She thinks I was having an affair but that is not true. I left because I felt alone, unwanted, unloved, not important etc. I guess I just couldn't get my wife to understand what I was going through and it drove me away.
I have never been good at explaining my thoughts and emotions which wouldn't have helped.
I have since found someone else who makes me feel great and I have fallen for in a big way. My ex has found out and is playing silly games by redirecting my mail to her address etc.
Three days ago my youngest daughter sent a picture of myself, herself and my ex to my partners home with a note on it saying you have stolen my childhood memories.
My heart sank to the floor and is still there. It's hard to explain what I am feeling right now, My head is all over the place. I find myself thinking all kinds of things, Some good some bad.
The questions going round in my head right now are driving me to an emotional wreck.
Have I made the worst decision of my entire life.

The whole divorce process is draining, emotional and, for the kids, difficult to really understand the depth of adult emotions. I'm assuming from what you said about feeling unloved, unwanted etc,that there was little physical or even emotional connection between you and your wife? If so, you were probably very much detached from her, so your moving on and meeting someone else was likely the right time for you and what you needed, as you'd probably already processed alot of what you felt for your marriage and wife. However, for your kids,it sounds as though it's a lot more recent and probably still raw for them and your youngest is taking it hard. She loves you and her Mum and wants you to be together and, as a knee jerk reaction, hates the fact that you're with someone else. That's completely understandable, she's a child, feels passionately but doesn't have the life experience to realise that people fall out of love and marriages breakdown.
You have every right to move on and if you've found someone who gives you the feelings that were missing from your wife that sounds good but I'd be very wary of getting too deeply involved too soon - take it slowly. Have you been able to have any meaningful chats with your daughters to explain things? It's so hard for everyone - divorce isn't nice,emotions run high and people get and feel hurt. That does not mean though, that you should have to ignore your own feelings but keep focused on your kids and, if your new woman's all that you think she is, she'll have the patience and give you the support needed for you to reassure your daughters.

Hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say!! I'm going through divorce too, with 2 teens and it's difficult. Put off pulling the trigger for a looong time as didn't want to hurt anyone but, by its nature, someone always gets hurt. Good luck!! 🙂

And no, you haven't made the worst decision of your life - feeling unloved,unwanted etc are soul destroying. You deserve to be happy. Just keep on reassuring your kids that you will always love them and be there for them and spend time with them. Conflicting emotions are par for the cause in divorce..