Can he just give me the house?

[BumbleBeaBear]

I am at the very start of the separation process. We have 3 boys (6, 3, 8 weeks). My husband is currently saying he is happy for me just to have the house (about 100k equity). I can afford repayments/bills/life etc- but don’t think the bank would lend me enough to take on the mortgage independently.

Legally- can he just sign over all the equity to me? He is also saying I can have all the savings to support the kids (20k). Haven’t looked into pensions- but same profession/salary- he just has a few extra years experience- so imagine a marginally bigger pot.

I’m sure what he is saying may also change, when some of the guilt fades. At the moment he is desperately trying to be amicable and the nice guy- rather than the lying cheating twat he clearly is- Is there a way to decide now on finances that he will have to stick to? Does it have to be a more equal split?

I'm no expert, but I have recently asked a solicitor the same question. The answer was no.
Apparently the courts won't allow an arrangement like this, as it is not a fair spilt of assets.
He can't walk away with nothing. Even if he agrees to it.

I think the point of that is to protect people who are in abusive relationships, who might agree to sign over everything because they are scared not to agree.

As 17bluebirds says, judges will usually refuse to sign off on such an unequal split of assets because there needs to be adequate provision for both parties to move on with their lives. He’ll need to be able to provide somewhere suitable for your DC to stay when it’s his contact time, he can’t be expected to move out with nothing and rent a room in a house share (and I’m sure you wouldn’t want your DC to lose out on a proper relationship with their father because he couldn’t have them overnight or to be stuck with all overnights yourself.) There’s nothing to stop you splitting the savings in half now so that you have your share in your own bank account, though.

You need to speak to your mortgage lender to establish whether they’d approve a mortgage with you as sole applicant. You also need to get a solicitor’s advice on a fair asset split. If you’re going to be responsible for the children for the majority of the time, that would usually involve you receiving a larger share of the sale proceeds (if the house needs to be sold) or more than 50% of the equity, which means the amount you’d need to buy him out would be less. Every divorce settlement is different because it depends on each of your earnings, future career prospects and ages etc.

Talk to a solicitor OP.

I guess he technically could, because if you aren’t going to court you can privately agree something between yourselves, but I suspect what he’s thinking is - oh I feel so guilty I need to do something to be the nice guy, plus - if I give her this now that’ll be a clean break and I won’t have to give her anything else, but of course you have 20 years of child raising ahead of you, so you will need financial support, and if you end up in court then they will go back through everything.

So basically your DP is being irrational or playing a game, so get the process on the straight and narrow by talking to a solicitor and working out a proper structure and process. Hopefully you can agree through mediation rather than go to court,

Thank you. It’s so hard to try work out what’s fair. I’m glad he isn’t trying to take every penny- but refusing to have any financial conversations and saying it’s all mine isn’t particularly constructive either!

He's not trying to take every penny at the moment. Keep on your toes as that may change. Get the financial side of things right is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your children.

My ex transferred the house to me in its entirety. I took none of his pension (it wasn't worth much). It all went through. But that was a decade ago.

Check with a solicitor OP

When I got divorced, long time ago so might be different, had to see a Judge in Chambers as we had made some agreements that weren't usual. The Judge told me he wasn't going to agree to the divorce, I explained our reasons, he had a think and agreed to it but said he had concerns as in his experience it wouldn't work. It did.

Don't know if that is an option now but good luck with everything, sounds quite daunting, hope you have some support.

I wish I'd separated when my youngest was 8 weeks. Well done.

I think there is a couple of separate issues

Technically he called give you the value if the equity, a judge would want to make sure he’s had legal advice. ( a judge would also want an understanding that any other assets are disclosed£

Secondly, that fuss t necessarily mean you Dan stay in this house as that will depend on mortgage lenders and whether they’d allow it to be transferred to you or not. If not then you’ll be need to agree how to meet housing needs

I think it depends where you are. The rules can be vary in different countries.

I’m in Scotland and divorced a couple of years ago. We had settled out of court and he signed the house over to be. Did have to go through the bank to get the mortgage signed over which could have been problematic but because I wasn’t taking any additional borrowing it appealed and went through no bother.

As long as you can come to an agreement out of court it’s a lot easier. He had many wobbles in the two years between separating and finalising things where he would constantly change his mind on what he was willing to do. At times he would demand half of everything and then back down again. It’s not an easy ride but will be a big relief once it’s all over. X

I'm now confused about all this. I thought the consent order had to be signed off by a judge so people can't just settle out of court.

@BoxitUp, a couple can agree finances and then draw up the consent document which a judge signs off. Courts encourage couples to agree outside court, wherever possible and mediation is now a requirement before court.

You can come to a private arrangement to suit your family. Keeping things amicable is key. But whilst there's a knee jerk reaction to keep the house, think carefully - I instead decided to move for a fresh start for instance. Also pensions etc are taken into account.

If amicable, keeping him on the mortgage might be the best option until you are able to work more (eg once your youngest is in full time school) and childcare bills aren't as horrific. We agreed to delay the sale until our kids finished education (they are older) he lives there and pays all bills including mortgage but I co own

First things first. Go see a few banks or mortgage brokers to see if you can get a mortgage and take the house on. Because this is the first thing thing you need to know in order to negotiate a financial package.

My split was uneven in my XH’s favour, mainly because I volunteered not include his family business in our divvying up, because I’d never contributed to it. Moral decision, legally I could have included it. My solicitor warned me judge might query it and ask to see me. I wrote an accompanying letter to explain, never heard a peep from the court, all signed off. So don’t think that an uneven split is an automatic no.