How is this allowed?

[Picklebernard]

I've been separated from my ex for three years, we have a 6 YO with additional needs
He's never ever been supportive as a father or husband and I've ploughed on making all the tough decisions regarding my daughter, filling out many many many forms for schools, medical assessments, funding....the list is endless taking her to all of her hospital appointments and him never once asking how she's getting on etc.
I used to message him to let him know what was going on with her but I stopped, why is it my responsibility to chase him?? If I don't let him know things, he doesn't ask!
Because she is so young and is non verbal I take her her privacy very seriously, I almost never post anything on social platforms apart from a few piccys on her birthday
The ex has now moved in with someone 6 weeks after meeting her
She is now trying to dictate to me when my ex will see his child, she's been texting me using his phone, (it's obvious just because of the phrasing and language used)
Now he has suddenly started requesting all medical and school info be sent to him also which is fair enough as he has parental responsibility, however I absolutely know that this woman is going to be party to my daughters private information, indeed I'm certain that it's her that's the driving force behind these new requests that he's making
How can I protect my daughters privacy? She doesn't understand what's going on and she's innocent
I feel invaded and frustrated that a virtual stranger can now be able to access private medical info about my daughter when even her school teachers if three years aren't privy to that information
I feel really really sad and upset
I might add that my ex and I got on in a civil fashion for the sake of our daughter and now that's all gone out of the window because this woman has bulldozed her way in to my life and he's allowed it to happen

You can only explain your concerns to him but sadly its not just women who can find themselves in controlling relationships. You may find she feels threatened by your ongoing relationship with your ex due to your child and she's trying to control that aspect.

I totally get that and several people have said the same thing to me that she might be a little jealous
We're grown ups and I find that ridiculous
After three years separation we're not getting back together
She has children so you'd think she'd be more understanding but no....

Surely if he wants all the medical information he can request it from the appropriate bodies himself?

Not sure of the legalities, But I would just ignore and let him find it out himself.

He can contact the school himself and be added to emails etc. You don't need to do anything. The onus is on him!!

Block him, ignore him, and let him go to the courts if he so chooses. I wouldn't give an inch to this deadbeat.

Agree with above. My understanding is if he has parental responsibility he can contact them and ask to be added to contact info. What he can't do is feel entitled that you will do it all for him. Ignore and let him/her work it out for themselves

As the others have said. if he wants this info it's up to him to go get it - not your job to do it for him. Ignore them!

In all likelihood he painted the story that you've kept him away all those years because telling his new love the truth that he couldn't be bothered will make her see him for who he really is.

She inevitably believes it and feel that she has to support her new live to finally get his rights as your DD's father.

Sadly, there is nothing you can do, he can share what he wants with her. Hopefully, she will be reasonable with the information rather that starting a conflict.

To give an alternative perspective, his new partner might just be horrified by how little he has been involved in his child's life and, as a mother herself, might be encouraging him to step up. She may not have malign intentions and she may not be controlling or abusive. If I were you, I'd try to see it as a positive that, after years of not pulling his weight, he is now more interested in his child.

Have you told your ex any of how you feel about this, or about any of your fears?

He can source the information himself and does he or can he have access so they do not need to pester you.
Request contact via email which is less invasive than texts also handy for future for lawyers or court shall they need to see it all.
The worst is what extra people you are associated with and dragged into knowing or being reckonised by them knowing your child with the new partner along with the new demands.
Stay strong and set your boundaries

He has the right to the information and you know this. Atm it would appear it's solely medical information that you need to share.

You say that it's about privacy, I'd disagree. I have a child with additional needs and I think that you not being willing to share information with the school potentially disadvantages your daughter further. How can they support if not fully aware?

The new gf may well be a positive. Even if she's instigated the requests it sounds like a good thing for your child.

What's really going to happen if she knows? It may help her to help your daughter if she's seeing her or to support her father to.

It feels as though privacy is almost a cover you feel embarrassed or have something to hide...

Share the medical information with the father.

Re school, enclose the website address and remind he can make direct contact to ensure he's informed. It's not your responsibility to be his secretary when he has a way of receiving all of the same information.