Where to begin with Divorce and what to go for

[Itsybitsydooda]

I've posted a couple of times before about my DH/STBEX.

Long story short he went to stay elsewhere whilst dealing with his feelings/mental health etc. whilst there got emotionally involved with someone (says there was no sexual contact yet I later found out they were sleeping in the same bed and had a weekend away together whilst his mum was visiting me and our children just before xmas. A few weeks ago he came home, said he wanted to give things a go and he loved me and missed us. He didn't make much effort and went to his mums after 7 days. He's just had the girls for the weekend and when swapping them back has told me its over.
He is going back to where he was before xmas and seeing how things go with other Woman.

He says Im preventing him from seeing our children as I've told him he is not taking them to stay with him at her parents house in 2 weeks time and I don't want her or her family around the girls. They are 7 and 5 and are having a hard time dealing with daddy having gone as it is.

I need to start looking at my options. Our family home is in his name due to my poor credit rating, there is zero chance of me taking it on. He says he is happy to carry on paying the mortgage. But it is due for renewal this summer. I have yet to decide if I even want to carry on living in what should have been our family home.

I don't know how I should approach finances. I earn just over 29k and he is a contractor on at least 50k a year. I can prove the historical figures as I was doing his payroll and have the evidence. I'm going to be struggling going forwards to pay the bills and keep things going. My pension is pretty good as its a Railway Pension. His is naff at the moment but has the potential to be great. He also has a small military pension at 65.

Sorry for my rambling, its late, I've cried a lot and I'm confused. Basically any guidance/advice/words of wisdom regarding how I should probably go about divorcing and arranging finances/children etc would be greatly appreciated. Originally we were discussing a Legal Separation so we had options but given his choice to go back to her I see no other option but divorce.

First start by writing down all the family assets. House, car, pensions, everything no matter how small.
Print off some bank statements of amount in savings/checking etc. get as much business details as possible.

we have no savings, just debt (nothing joint its either his or mine), and the cars are both on finance. My PCP is about to expire so it will be going back.

The house is our only real asset. We've had it for nearly 2 years. If we sell then the majority of the money from it will go to giving my parents back the deposit they lent us and what little is left will be used to pay some debts.

I need as fair a settlement as possible to continue giving my girls a decent life. They will be with me the majority of the time, seeing their dad every other weekend and half the school holidays. We've been married 10 years this coming June. I want to do this as quickly, cheaply and painlessly as possible.

still print off all the current info for documentation sake.

I will. I've got a folder here I can use to store it all. :-)

I've no idea what I should be looking to ask for etc. I never in a million years expected this.

Has he agreed to the majority of the equity going back to your parents? If he hasn't you will be in for a shock. You will not get to dictate how fast the process goes.

You also do not get to dictate who he sees when he has the girls.

Yes we are in agreement that the money goes back to my parents. He wants things to be as amicable as possible and he won't put obstacles in the way.

I'm aware that I can't stop him introducing the girls to others but taking them to her parents house for 2 nights less than 2 weeks after ending our marriage is not on. The girls are struggling massively with him not being here as it is. They don't need the added confusion.

I just need to get my side in order so I'm prepared.

Is your pension worth more than his? You need to write down every little thing financially, how much csa will he pay? Run it through the online calculator. Is he still offering to pay the mortgage and child support or one instead of the other? If you’ll get no equity out of the house for another deposit, do you have somewhere to move too? How much is rent in your local area, do you have a deposit, is it cheaper to stay in the house etc?