Separarated Stil Living In Marital Home - I am So Struggling Help!

[Mummykins54]

I have been with my husband for 27 years - 23 married. Our relationship has been on the rocks for years and last June we decided to split - decorate the house and sell. He is a very controlling person and I have basically felt that I have been walking on eggshells for years as he is verbally abusive at times and can be very moody. Anyway, to cut a long story short he stopped talking to me end of June - only about our two kiid aged 20 and 17. I couldn't take anymore so I started proceedings and sent a lawyer letter. That was in August 2020.

Since then he has point blank refused to speak to me - when I enter a room he leaves. We buy separate food. We only communicate if it is to do with the kids- as he keeps reminding me we are separated now. I have asked that we be civil at least for the kids sake but he has refused.

I cannot afford to move out and rent and he is refusing to move out even though his mother has a spare room.

I have decided I want to remain in my home so looking to buy him out.

I was doing ok but have now "hit a wall" were I am struggling mentally with his behaviour. I am on Diazepam. He is acting like the last 27 years meant nothing and is already living like a single guy. He ha always been a cold character.

Proceedings are really slow - I do'nt have any family I do have good friends - he as a family to support him who have also stopped speaking to me. Does he really think going forward that we can never speak again given that there might be graduations/weddings etc. It is beyond immature and very cruel. When I try to talk to him he tells me he cant speak to me as I am "nuts." I have blown up at him a couple of times out of pure frustration.

Has anyone else experienced this kinf of behaviour - sorry it is long but all advice/comments welcome!

Unfortunately I am in the same scenario, albeit the children are younger (8 & 10) and it's been 18m so far.

We only speak about the children, as he has been abusive (false allegations about me) & had affairs. I have good friends for support but no family nearby.

It all got a bit much for me at the end of last year & I had a bit of time off work.

It's taken this long to be remotely near to a legal agreement & cost a lot in lawyers fees.

I'm not sure I have any wise words for you, other than to keep as sane as you can. Lockdown is making everything worse & hopefully that will ease off soon. Good luck.

Similar situation only no kids. It is awful. I want to sell the house, he doesn’t. Lockdown is making things so much worse. My only comfort I get is watching his hair get thinner everyday , he looks old. After everything he’s put me through, it’s the least he deserves!

Why are you on Valium? That is a pretty outdated thing to be prescribed for more than a short course these days.

You’re separated so he is entitled to live as a single guy. However you’re also entitled to live as a single woman too.

It must be bloody awful being stuck under the same room with him.

I suggest download tinder for a giggle (it really is a shocker) and have a swipe & some harmless fun.

Don’t have any suggestions to help expedite the house split but anything to get your mind of him hanging around like a bad smell can’t hurt

Hi,

Similar position here although I'm the one not speaking to him. I know it's childish but he wasn't taking me seriously (about me being unhappy) and I developed so much anxiety that I couldn't stand it anymore.
We have also been married for 23 years and I've know him 27/28 years. Two children, but younger than yours - mine are 17 and 13.
I don't have any family either and haven't told anyone in real life what is going on. His sister has stopped talking to me even though, in the beginning, she said she'd support me.

I married an older man. I was young and naive. Very shy when I was younger and never went out to meet anyone and he started chatting to me on my way to my university placement. We got on quite well but something was missing - it was only years later that I realised what - connection, sexual compatibility/passion and we just lacked when should be there. He was so dull in the bedroom! I'm not into anything weird but he wouldn't even kiss me! I'm a good looking women (so many tell me)!

I realised I was trapped although, financially, I wasn't as I have a good job. It was more trapped because of the children and I'd gone through a few years of caring for elderly relatives (all RIP now).

Menopause hit - abruptly - and it has changed me! So, for the last 3 years I have 'lived' in a box room in a fully paid for 4 bed detached house so I don't have to be in the same room. He inherited his parents place and it has been renovated over the last year - he has said he will move out but never does! I think he thinks I'm just menopausal! I really do not want to be with him!

So, you are not alone!

I also filed for divorce just before Christmas but waited until last week to send the papers - they are still to arrive. Unless he has kept quiet.

Feel free to message me!

Same here too. We split up in July 2018 he moved out for 6 months but then moved back. We haven’t spoke in all that time me & the kids Practically live upstairs they are 15 & 12, I sleep on the sofa he sleeps in the bed. Divorce has been so bloody slow. Sending you all lots of love x

Same here. Similar time frames and its all getting nasty as we are trying to sort finance and both dating other people. Trying to keep it civil but, as in the marriage, its me doing all the work there. Huge party planned when I get out and am free!