Am I mad to consider this? Separation woes

[twosmallbuttons]

So after months of to-ing and fro-ing, STBEX announced last weekend that due to Covid, the business he runs (that we started together and that I'm still Director/50% shareholder in) is on its knees. Only a month ago he had produced figures showing stable monthly income; now, apparently due to a f*ck up by his accountants, the company is in trouble.

For info, I'm self employed in an industry that's also been decimated by Covid, but I should be able to start working again next month. I'm currently unable to get a mortgage though based on my sole income. We are living under the same roof currently, 2 DCs (10 & 8), in London. Absurd house prices round here as the schools are good.

So, the plan I had of asking for at least 60% of the equity has now been shot down, as STBEX says he's also in a similarly desperate position and would not want to take on a mortgage until his income is stable.

Am I mad to think that it would be the best idea if I moved with the DC to a far cheaper location which would
a) let me buy a house outright with 50% equity
b) leave a good chunk left over to support our new life for at least a year without me worrying about whether I can pay the bills
c) provide far more opportunities for work for me in the future
d) mean childcare is not 50/50 like STBEX wants
e) be nearer my family

When I motioned this idea with STBEX he outright refused. He absolutely will not leave London, it's where his family is (what about mine though?!), it's where his work is (maybe fair, but he's been working from home for almost a year...) but most importantly to him is that our DC stay at the same schools.

But neither of us can afford to buy property around here which would be near enough to the schools anyway. His idea is to sell the house and then use the equity from that to rent somewhere for god knows how long.

Of course I would prefer to have DC settled etc, but I cannot figure out how on earth I would make it work when I can't house the three of us long-term if we stay where we are.

Sorry if this is garbled. I don't know if I'm being irresponsible by even contemplating moving DC.

We will be going to mediation in the next few weeks.

Being the main care giver, you should get more than 50/50. Do you believe him about the joint business being in trouble? As a shareholder, you should be able to get hold of all the accounts and check for yourself. Don't trust him on this.
You idea sounds well formed. His does not.
Your DC are still young. They will be moving up to High School anyway so there will changes regardless.
Hopefully mediation will help. Contemplating this myself. Courts look favourably on attempts at mediation, so even if you don't agree during this process, you have more legs taking it further.

Yes I believe I should get more than 50/50 as the main care giver but he disputes this at every turn, hence the need to go to mediation. He has graciously said I can have the difference in our pensions, which is around £25k.

I have seen some accounts from last year but even he says he doesn't understand how the accountants have messed up (it sounds ridiculous I know). I will ask him for evidence of correspondence with them, and if he can't provide it then it does sound more fishy, you're right.
He insists he's being honest about everything, he wants to remain amicable blah blah. But after a huge wake-up call last year, I realised how controlling he has been for the entirety of our relationship (16 years) so it still takes a long time for me to work through his bull.

I’m sorry but whilst there is an economic reason for you move I don’t think it is reasonable for your children. Their primary family are you and their father. They need to be close to both of you.

Both of you need to work out how your split will work for them and then do everything to facilitate that. Almost everyone I know did that in a split. It meant sacrificing career and relationship opportunities and it cost a lot in housing. I don’t believe children always need to come first. But in this scenario they do. They are children they need to be near their family (both parents) more than either adult needs that.

The accountants won't have messed up. What has Halle Ed is that he has given them incorrect figures (whether intentionally or not)

However, accountants usually ask for copies of bank statements when doing accounts to identify irregularities a d you are entitled to discuss with the accountant

I only have one example. But a friend's husband had an affair, left her, they got divorced, he has since married the lady and they now have a child together.

After he left, my friend innocently thought it best to move to a lower cost area substantially closer to her work.

Subsequently her husband fought her for custody and gained majority custody of the children as the judge deemed her to have moved away from their family area. (They did not have any other family there...) her ex later then moved out of that area but retained custody.

It is all slightly baffling, and I am sure there must be more to it than I have put. But my please be wary of moving areas without solicitor advice rather than Internet anecdotal (well intended) advice.

Yes @LemonTT I think deep down I know I have to stay put and try to make it work, but I just can't get my head around how I'll manage.
Do other people in these situations just rent, if they can't buy a property?
If I rent, does that mean I won't be eligible for Universal Credit if I have all the house equity sitting in an account?

@NotBabiesForLong that sounds awful. I would never just up and leave with DC without STBEX's agreement. It's more a case of being in a corner and trying to make the best possible financially stable future for me & DC.