I've felt numb for a little over 2 years. I've had to train myself to grey rock at times, keep my emotions in check. There has been no intimacy, no sex, no love, no joy, no happy. No sadness either. Even my sense of smell and taste felt numb I realise now.
I'm a very emotional, sensitive person usually and I've had to numb myself to survive. In recent weeks, we have been living separately under the same roof and I've seen much less of him. I'm consciously losing weight, eating healthily, jogging, reading again, writing daily, I've met up with old friends for walks, woken up early to watch the sun rise over the hills above my village. And now we have decided to put the house on the market and go our seperate ways.
I feel suddenly very "awake". My taste buds are very strong, so are smells. A man's aftershave across the street made my stomach go over last week. I feel overwhelmed by excitement, fear, joy. But also, very anxious and a bit jumpy.
I feel different.
How do I keep myself in check as these feelings start to take over? I'm finding it quite overwhelming.