Ex doesn't want to stick to set custody days due to hobby

[BecauseMaybee]

My ex and I have agreed set childcare days, until he realised how much set weekend days will impact on his motor sports hobby. He has since asked me to be "flexible" and swap days around based on his hobby needs. I've told him absolutely not and that I need set days to plan and prepare my own life which has revolved around him far too long. One of the reasons we're separating is because I don't want his chaos and poor organisation in my life, so why should I do this? I've revolved mine and DCs lives around his hobbies for enough summers and I'm through with it.

He is now saying however that if I won't swap days when he wants to, then he will take DCs with him. This will obviously inconvenience him, but I definitely wouldn't put this past him. The issue however is that some of these events are 3-4 hours drive away and he doesn't return until the early hours of the morning on a regular basis. This is not acceptable for 2 children under 8 who have school etc. I have told him this and he just shrugs as if I'm being awkward so have to accept the consequences.

I think his attitude his disgusting if I'm honest.

Where do I stand? What can I do?

I may be going against the grain here but I'd reconsider the possibility of swapping days from time to time. Reasons:

1. You can't force him to have the kids at all, and if you push, he may just decide to let you down on the times he wants to do his hobby. That'll be distressing for the kids and a problem for you if you've made plans of you own. Or he may take them along, or dump them with a friend or babysitter. You can't control any of that.

2. A bit of flexibility can be good for everyone. There may be times in the future when you want to have the kids on his weekends (family wedding, kid's party, etc) or when you want him to have them so you can do something without them. If you make it a rule that you won't swap, ever, you'll make all your lives harder, as well as meaning you kids may miss out on important events.

My ex and I fell out a bit over the issue of swapping days early on after we split. But after a while we made it work really well. The rules we found worked were that either of us could ask for a swap any time we wanted, and the other had a right to say no without explanation if they wanted - though it only works if most of the time you say yes, or do give an explanation of why you can't swap.

I may consider once or perhaps twice a year but that would be it. I certainly wouldnt be doing more when one of the issues when with him was the number of days he spent doing his hobby

I would be telling him the days have been agreed and it’s up to him to sort childcare. If that means taking them with him fine, it won’t last because I doubt his brother would want to look after them all the time. He can find other childcare, perhaps his parents? But leave it with him

Ex and I have a very flexible arrangement and it works well both ways.

Now who is being controlling?

Think of your children's needs if the dad is willing to have on non hobby days what is the issue?

@Loveacoseynightin if you are going to make a joke you need to add emojis else people wil just think you are being goady. 😁

@Loveacoseynightin

Now who is being controlling?

Think of your children's needs if the dad is willing to have on non hobby days what is the issue?

It doesn’t quite work like that.

Child arrangements based in what suits one party according to their hobby.

Don’t be daft!

So parenting comes after his hobby? What a charmer op...
See a solicitor.. Offer up an agreement that is fair (hobby aside) if he doesn't take up the contact time then it's his loss... Your dc don't need the influences of such a flakey fuckwit..

Call his bluff. He'll only take them once, if at all

Oh you all have to read @Loveacoseynightin history!!
Clearly disgruntled NRP father.
Started a thread making out RP mother but all the others - so clear!

Which explains daft response on here!

As others have said, he is entitled to make his own judgement about what is safe and appropriate to do with the children on his time. If you don't want to swap weekends, then you have to accept that he may take the children with him when he goes dirt biking.

I agree with a PP who suggested that flexibility can be helpful, though. If you make it a firm rule that you'll never swap weekends, you may regret it when a family wedding or party falls on one of Dad's weekends and you wish you could swap to take the kids.

@Chewingle

Oh you all have to read *@Loveacoseynightin* history!! Clearly disgruntled NRP father. Started a thread making out RP mother but all the others - so clear!

I dont agree. Loveacosynightin reads like the step-mother. Her poor partner is being treated so very poorly by his evil ex, the mother of his children, aNd resident parent.