How to tell the kids

[JanieLovesLuckySocks]

We are separating and he is due to move out within the next week. He gas been in the spare room did a month (blamed it on snoring when kids asked).

Kids are 6&7. Separating was my choice, he has a temper (bit physically aggressive), is thoughtless, and awful with money. I don't love him anymore and we've discussed splitting in the past.

How do we tell the kids that he is moving out? We will be dividing their care 50/50 and he will live nearby.

I'm petrified of breaking them.

I should add that things are amicable

You won’t break them by splitting, it’s how you manage it.
Be honest (in a child friendly way, that doesn’t mean give them half the story, they will try to fill in the gaps, it means explain it in terms they can understand)
Don’t expect too much of them, children can be surprising, but they can also be innocently hurtful.

Thanks for this, it's a hard thing to do but it will make life so much better

There are a few good kid’s books too, and articles and podcasts by psychologists. Tell them straight, short, be open to answering questions in lots of conversations. Take their cue when they want to stop talking about it. Mostly I read they want to know how it will actually affect them, their room, where they live and when. Good luck.

Following.

OP this is exactly what I told my kids, but mind you mine are grown up. "Dad and I are separating. We do not get along so well and over the years we tried to work it out but could not. I want to you to know that we both love you very much and always will be here for you. Also, know that this has nothing to do with you."

I think it is important to keep it clear and simple. You do not have to give them any details re your relationship. Kids need to see that you are serious about this, that you made your decision and will stick with it, that you love them and that this is NOT the end of the world, which it really is not. Divorce is not the end of the world, in fact it is not the end at all but a beginning of potentially much, much better life for both you and your husband.

One more thing, do not say you are sorry. I kept wanting to say it but somehow deep down knew that this would be the wrong thing to do. I did say at some point "I am sorry this is happening now", b/c our family has been through a lot during pandemic, but never said that I was sorry about the break up. I believe that for the kids to accept this and move on they would want to know that you are sure and that you are "happy" about your decision. If you say you are sorry, this can start all sorts of reactions and feelings in them. First of all by saying this you acknowledge that this is something really bad, a tragedy and you do not want that. Divorce is not an amazing thing that anybody wishes upon themselves but it is a part of life.