Unreasonable Behaviour

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I know this has been covered many times here but couldn’t find anything specific to my situation.

Unfortunately, the reasons I gave for UB have been rejected by the court as I didn’t place blame so as not to rock the boat. Terrible decision on my part.

These are my reasons, can anyone help me word it so it’s accepted by the courts? I think whatever I say will make stbxh mad but I need to bite the bullet as it’s costing me money!!

1. Mismatched sex drives. He pesters me for sex and has told me on occasions if it doesn’t change, he will go elsewhere.

1. Not shared a bed in over 5 years as he snores excessively.

1. Inappropriate text messages with different women over several years.

1. Criticises me as a mother to his kids.

1. Prefer taking trips alone with the kids than going with him as we have more fun without him.

Can anyone help?

Thank you!

Did the solicitor not check the document for you?

I did it myself through the government site. Bad idea?

Oh, it's just that you said it was costing you money so i assumed you were using a solicitor. If you had to pay to submit the documents yourself it's kind of a false economy. You need to get them looked over by a professional really.

Only 1, 3 and 4 count as unreasonable behaviour. Not sure on the legal wording of it though, but I’d have assumed something along the lines of “Mr X threatened an extramarital affair when Mrs X did not agree to sexual intercourse”. “Mr X exchanged sexually explicit messages (if they were sexually explicit, if not change the wording to the kind of inappropriate messages they were. E.g. flirtatious) with x, y and z throughout the course of the marriage” etc.

You’re absolutely right, should have really got a solicitor onto it. I’ve heard so many people doing it themselves so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem. It costs each time the court rejects it and you have to resubmit. So will speak to a solicitor. Thank you.

I can highly recommend a non- contentious divorce firm i saw advertised on mumsnet. They advised me how to get the u reasonable behaviour approvable without aggravating stbx. Have you looked at any of the cooperative firms rather than solicitors? Not free but probably cheaper than fucking up legal documents...

Would love details of the non-contentious law firm please!! Have spoken to two solicitors and haven’t got much further than that!

This may help? www.rcsolicitors.co.uk/family-law/divorce-dissolution/irretrievable-breakdown/unreasonable-behaviour

Contact Amicable. They offer a free consultation which was invaluable. It was what convinced me to progress with them.

Thank you so much! 💐

Think you are shouldering too much blame! I didn’t use a solicitor and my petition was accepted. As you are using unreasonable behaviour I think you need to be more specific and blame him, prove he is unreasonable. Rewrite your examples:

1. He asks for sex, when I say no he verbally abuses me and threatens to see other women for sex.

1. He will not share my bed and hasn’t done so for 5 years.

1. He sends inappropriate text messages to other women, I have asked him to stop but he tells me that he has no respect for me and he will do as he pleases.

1. He criticises me, he has told me that I am a bad mother and constantly tries to erode my self-worth.

1. He will not socialise with me or take trips with the children so I end up taking them out alone.

Thank you for rewording. This is what I was trying to avoid but I see the difference between the way you have written it versus mine. Mine is way too weak.

Ive actually got a coaching session lined up with Amicable to get advice on the petition and the whole divorce process. They were half the price of my solicitor. They have asked whether I want to include my STBXH in the meeting and my gut says maybe I should? We are amicable but can see it turning pretty sour once the new wording on the petition is handed to him!!!

Agree it's all in the wording. You don't have to go into chapter and verse but a bit more detail is required. Stick with 1,3 and 4 as the others sound like your personal preference.
On the other hand, could you wait for 3 yrs separation and consent? Have the financials been sorted yet as that may be a sticking point. Judges wont usually agree a divorce unless it's all been agreed.

You reasons are seem ok to me but what is missing (in my humbe opinion) is how all of those actions affected you. For all court knows you might be totally ok with all of them?
I listed 3 reasons, did application through governement site and it was fine. I did include the effect on me to demonstrate that it was destructive to me.

Perhaps this is what’s missing as reading between the lines i see why it’ shit. Include the lenght of time behaviours took place, to show that they’re ongoing and not a one off that pisses you off.

So for example this:
Criticises me as a mother to his kids.

Reword it as:
Criticises me as a mother to his kids. This erodes my self esteem and causes arguments and causes confusion to kids. He undermines my autority in front of them and creates toxic environment which prevents them from thriving. This has been ongoing for the past 5 years.

Add some emotional abuse into the mix

Thank you all for your input. I have redrafted and sent off. Here’s hoping he won’t defend and court accepts!