Ex wanting 50% custody of child. How likely is it to be awarded?

[llamasandkittens]

NC as very outing.

This is a very long story but I'll cut it down as much as I can...

STBXH left in August after he was arrested when I found he had set up secret video cameras at home. This was the culmination of ever worsening emotional abuse directed at me but which had, in later months, began to affect our 8 year old DD too.

Since his arrest, ex has not been able to contact me as first his bail conditions and then his undertakings have prevented him from doing so. However, he has still ensured that I know he is angry and in control in other ways, all of which I have kept records of. I should also add that he was well known for being very flirtatious with the female members of the youth group he volunteered at and I have some copies of the inappropriate messages to sent to one 18 year old member (although unfortunately I do not have the later messages, where he was sending very explicit messages).

Ex currently has DD for a few hours after school on a Thursday and then again for a full day on Saturdays. She does not stay overnight because she doesn't yet feel comfortable in doing so. He has applied for 50% custody and we have a court date set for 6th April, although I believe the most likely outcome on this date is that Cafcass will be asked to investigate further and produce a Section 7 report.

I am very aware that judges increasingly aware 50% custody and thought of him having her for any longer than he already does terrifies me. At the moment DD enjoys seeing him but I feel that any more contact would be damaging for her emotional, mental and physical health. She would effectively become isolated for half the year and her school work would suffer as he has no idea how to support her. He also gives her the same three meals on rotation (pepperoni pizza, fish/chicken and chips, and McDonald's) and will continue to tell her things about me such as I am planning to sell the family home and move her to a smaller house.

Ex is a very good liar; lying comes as second nature to him and I am worried that it is just my word against his. Does anyone have experience of a similar situation and can let me know whether their ex was or wasn't awarded 50% please? Any hints or tips would be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Anyone?

Have you seen a solicitor about this?

@MrsBertBibby yes I have appointed a solicitor and am in frequent contact with her about this matter and the house. My husband argues literally every single point in every letter she writes though and the whole process is taking forever. What I'm really looking for here is others' recent experiences as I'm so worried about the 50/50 split for childcare. The house and finances I can deal with but when it's your child it's a whole different level.

Anyone else? Others' experiences would be really useful if possible.

I think there’s a good chance he’d at least get the standard every other weekend and one evening in the week I’m afraid.

OP can you say how the emotional abuse affected your DD?

Hopefully others will come along with more expertise OP, however if your ex was arrested for sticking cameras all over your house, that paints him in a very poor light indeed.

As a non expert I would start by calling women’s aid, they should be able to point you in the direction of how to build a case to limit his access on grounds of abusive behaviour, which sounds completely reasonable to me as he sounds like a misogynistic nut job. Keep keeping a note of everything he does and says, including reports from your daughter.

If she’s never yet spent a single overnight with him, it’s very unlikely 50/50 will be awarded straight away - the aim will be for them to build their relationship up with gradual increases to longer contact periods, with some overnights, which may eventually become 50/50 or something close to it. By that point, you’ll have a broader view of his parenting abilities alone and 50/50 may be a perfectly reasonable expectation. It’s worth bearing in mind that his parenting when he has her visiting for a few hours once a week, and his parenting if he had her more of the time may well be very different.

If you don’t think that increased contact is in DD’s best interests then you need to demonstrate that with a consistent and concrete narrative of how it would harm or negatively impact her education, her wellbeing and her emotional development. This is where you need to work with your solicitor so that you aren’t just making random spurious statements about behaviour you just don’t like. If he is trying to alienate her from you by telling lies about you or purposefully trying to make her worried about things which aren’t going to happen, that’s a good reason. Not liking that he gives her pizza for dinner or not feeling that he’s currently supportive enough with her schoolwork aren’t reasons (see above point that he may well step up if he has her for longer periods), and he’d be given the opportunity to demonstrate that he’s committed to becoming a better parent.